let's talk about sleep

I'm going to admit it.  I'm sleep deprived.  I know that must come as a surprise to all my loyal readers.  The boys will be three months old this weekend and I for one am getting a bit tired of everyone asking me if the boys are sleeping through the night.  Please introduce me to the three month old preemie who is sleeping through the night.  I think the boys are absolutely wonderful sleepers (I've just said that out loud so tonight will probably be a nightmare.).  We go upstairs and do bath time at 7:30pm (a bit earlier if we are in meltdown mode) and then the boys are given their 8:00pm bottle and a story and I put them in their Rock N Plays to go to "sleep".  The sleep part is often a bit elusive at this point.  But the boys never get fussy in their Rock N Plays.  Most of the time they like to stare at the ceiling fan.  I sit around for a few minutes to make certain their is no drama and then I will sit up in the bedroom with the boys and pump around 9:00pm.  I am actually getting to a point where I should start to pump downstairs away from the boys but I still struggle with leaving them alone if either of them are awake.  Plus I can usually sit next to the baby that is being fussy and rock the Rock N Play back and forth while I pump.  I usually take a shower after pumping (by this time both boys are asleep) and then the boys get a diaper change and one more bottle at 10:00pm.  I am usually asleep by 10:30pm.  If the boys are fussy Kara will stay up with them when she gets home from work.  I get up at 1:30am to pump.  This is usually my longest pumping session of the day (ironic because it occurs in the middle of the night).  I usually pump for an hour.  Now here is my dilemma ...

I mentioned I am sleep deprived.  I am getting five hours of sleep a night.  I sleep from about 10:30pm - 1:30am and then from 3:00am - 5:00am.  Enough?  Yes.  Ideal?  No.  The problem is I tend to get a bit exhausted by the end of the week.  They boys are still taking a bottle once during the night.  Their stomachs just aren't big enough to take more than 3oz at a time.  If we try to over 3oz we tend to get a lot of spit-up.  And because the boys are eating about 29oz a day this means we do a lot of feedings.  We now feed the boys every two hours during the day.  Fun!  They will either take the middle of the night bottle before I pump at 1:30am (if they are fussy) or we will wake them up to take it after I am done pumping at 2:30am (yes it takes me an hour to pump in the middle of the night).  The other night Kara offered to do the middle of the night feeding while I pump.  I am all for this in terms of getting more sleep (about an extra 30 minutes) but it is killing me to not be part of the middle of the night feeding.  I already feel as if I don't get to spend much time with the boys.  I get home from work at 4:30pm and the boys are in their Rock N Plays around 8:00pm.  And this includes one pumping session (a minimum of 30 minutes).  Plus Kara does the early morning feeding (around 6:00am) alone while I am downstairs pumping.  Notice a pattern??  I think I am just in a bit of a funk because I feel as if I am missing out on so many moments with the boys.  I also realize that being sleep deprived is not  helping matters.  It makes me a stressed out momma and it does not help my milk supply.  To be honest ... I would have probably thrown in the towel on pumping if we did not have issues with Jakob.  But I absolutely refuse to give Jakob formula.  This means pumping will be a part of my life for at least a year.  And then I can't get rid of the middle of the night session because I get a ton of milk (about 14oz) during that pumping session.  Plus I would wake-up in agony anyhow if I tried to sleep through it.  So what is my point in writing this?  Nothing really.  I just needed to vent.  Don't get me wrong ... I feel so extremely blessed at the moment.  I am able to provide enough breastmilk for both boys.  It just comes at the cost of sleep and time with the boys.

So if you got this far you deserve a cookie.  Or how about just a super cute picture of Mr. Jakob?

Kara caught this picture the other day.  Jakob was falling asleep in his bumbo.  Each time his head would fall down because he would fall asleep he would jerk it back up and just be laughing up a storm.

Plus don't you just love the off the shoulder onesie look??  The boys will fit properly into 0-3 month clothing at some point.

Mary