So sit back and enjoy our journey to Baby #3. We ask our dear readers for their continued prayers and support as we are still early in this journey. But we are ready to let you join us for the ride. Please stick little blob!!! (and remember this is still a secret to most of the world)
8.20.15 - are we really doing this?
I know to an outsider we look absolutely bats#it CRAZY. Our lives are complete chaos. We are busy raising twin 3-year old boys. We are soon to be a one income family (on purpose). We recently had some rather large purchases under our belt. And we are getting old. But to us ... it is the perfect time to try to expand our family. It's time to try and get pregnant folks. I'm not exactly sure of an action plan. We have a consult scheduled with the REs office for September 1st and I assume we get our game plan at that time. We will be using another doctor as our previous doctor has since left the practice. What do I know now? There will be absolutely no fertility drugs involved this time around. NONE. We will either get pregnant with one child or we will not get pregnant. There will be no twins this time around (I hope). I've been there. I've done that. I cannot do it again. So I also know that reduces our chances of a successful pregnancy but we are at a point where our only regret would be to not try at all. We have 5 vials of donor sperm available to use. If I do not get pregnant using one of those five vials then we will be calling our family complete. We are also keeping it a complete secret. So by the time you read these blog entries I will either be (1) pregnant or (2) our journey to trying to get pregnant will be over. This decision has already reduced my stress levels a significant amount. So that is all at the moment. I'm excited. I'm unusually calm at the moment. I am hopeful. I am ready for the challenge. And I simply continue to pray that I have the patience to understand the path God has chosen for our family.
9.1.15 - getting old is s%$t!
So I guess I'm getting old. We had our consultation with the new RE today. We are still a bit up in the air about the process we will take each month. I think that will work itself out in the next few days. The RE wants to take a closer look at a fibroid I have had in my uterus for a long time. It was there the last time I got pregnant but it appears to have gotten bigger over the years. No surprise. I'm scheduled for a sonohysterogram tomorrow AM. It will give the RE a better idea of the story behind the fibroid. It's just a normal transvaginal u/s with the addition of saline to expand the uterus and get a clear look at any abnormalities that might interfere with the implantation of an embryo. I hope he deems all okay and we can continue without it giving me too many issues. He did mention that the growth of a fibroid has the potential to trigger preterm labor so that is something else we would want to take into consideration. The bad news ... My antral follicle count was a bit disappointing at around 8 visible follicles. So the RE did some b/w today just to make sure there is nothing to worry about like diminished ovarian reserve (DOR) - I'm old! It was interesting though because a majority of our conversation prior to the u/s surrounded the best way to get pregnant with just one healthy baby without risking a twin (or triplet) pregnancy. I then go to the u/s, get told that my antral follicle count is crap, but that I have two visible dominant follicles this cycle (though one could be a cyst). I just laughed. It would be for this reason that we might continue to do monitored cycles even with no fertility medication. Could you imagine? Overall we liked the new RE. It's basically up to us in terms of how we proceed each month assuming all tests come back OK. So until next time.
9.2.15 - all is good
I had the saline u/s done (sonohysterogram) today. It was really no big deal. I had worked myself up into the belief that it would hurt like crazy simply because my instructions from the RE told me to take 800mg of Advil prior to the procedure. If you tell me I need drugs before going to an u/s appointment, then I'm going to make the assumption that I'd rather stay home for the event. Otherwise I just had some very, very minor cramping during the procedure. The good news ... The RE is not worried at all about the fibroid. So we got the green light to proceed next month. The plan is to do a monitored un-medicated cycle. We will do a combination of a mid-cycle u/s and at home OPKs to determine my ovulation date. I will be sure to provide updates next month. I'm a combination of calm and anxious anticipation. It's almost like a kid at Christmas time. I'm trying to remain realistic about our chances while balancing a bit of optimism in for good measure.
I will leave you with a winning quote from the RE today.
"those d$#n heterosexuals can fit anything up there" (I'll let you figure that one out for your own!)
9.8.15 - as I was saying...
You should never get too comfortable with a plan. I got a call from the RE today. All the b/w came back OK but it showed my TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone) level at 2.94. I guess this is OK for the average person but if you are TTC then the RE wants the TSH level to be less than 2.5 (and ideal would be around 1.5). Sigh. So I'm going back in tomorrow for a complete thyroid panel (b/w) and once the RE gets those results we will make a game plan. I guess there is never a dull moment. I'm taking it all in stride. If we want to TTC, then I want to do it in optimal health.
9.14.15 - quick update
So I'm going to start taking 25 mg of Synthroid daily to help get my TSH levels a bit lower. The RE still insists the #'s are okay were I not trying to get pregnant. So I will have my levels rechecked in approximately 4 to 6 weeks to see if my TSH levels are trended downward. I guess doctors also want your TSH level to be less than 2.5 if your are pregnant too. So I will either stay on the Synthroid until I decide to stop trying to get pregnant or until I deliver a baby. The good news ... I still get to cycle this month!!!
9.23.15 - as I was saying...
Cycle #1 officially got cancelled today. I went in for CD 3 b/w this month. All was good. I was scheduled for my mid-cycle u/s on CD 11. The RE also instructed me to use OPKs this month just in case I was ovulating early in my cycle. This was my assumption from the beginning because my cycles are only between 24 - 26 days. We went camping this weekend with some of our closest friends. I woke up (extremely tired and hungover on CD 10) and in my drunken stupor peed on an OPK at 7am. That damn smiley face popped up in only a minute .... F%&# IT. My RE was thankfully on call for the weekend so I was able to get in touch directly with him. I managed to roam the cabin grounds for the one spot I could get cell phone reception. The RE was extremely adamant that I read the OPK wrong as there was no way I was about to ovulate. OK. (insert eye roll) What do you think?
My point exactly. So I went in for my u/s today on CD11. And of course my ovaries were completely quiet ... my only "dominant" follicle was 8 mm in diameter. The RE still believes it's just too early in my cycle. I on the other hand believe I ovulated on CD 10 (or early CD 11). So I will go back on CD 14 for another u/s and b/w. The u/s will determine that if I actually have not ovulated whether or not there is more follicle growth. The b/w will measure my progesterone levels which would be elevated had I ovulated on CD 10 or 11. The RE stated, "I'm going to be more concerned if you are ovulating on CD 10." .... NOW. I'm not sure why this would be of concern to the RE. But I will wait to find out. I would be more concerned if I have not ovulated because that means the luteral phase of my cycle is too short. Either way we are not proceeding with an IUI this month. I cannot justify potentially throwing away over $1,000 without knowing exactly what is going on with my body. So stay tuned as we continue on this grand adventure.
9.23.15 - confirmed
I had a follow-up u/s today and the follicle on my right side was only measuring 12 mm and per the RE "it looks like you ovulated". So I had some b/w done to measure my progesterone level and the level indicates ovulation. So we are simply going to do a take #2 next month but schedule a mid-cycle u/s on either CD 9 or CD 10. I'm optimistic that an early ovulation is just my normal and not indicative of any problems to come.
10.21.15 - no repeating history
I am now in the middle of Cycle #2. Today was my mid-cycle u/s on CD 10. I did an OPK test when I woke up today and it was still negative. But I know my body extremely well and I mentioned to Kara as I walked out the door, "I would bet money in Las Vegas that I get a + test at lunchtime" ... The u/s showed that I had a 20 mm follicle and a 17 mm follicle. TWO ?!?! AGAIN ?!?! It actually appears that I might have the hyperovulation gene. I have now had two unmedicated mid-cycle u/s that have shown two dominant follicles. I have also always had at least two dominant follicles on my medicated cycles despite very low doses of fertility medication. And for those readers who are unfamiliar I am also a fraternal twin. And we were conceived with no fertility medication. This means the hyperovulation gene could in fact have been passed down to me. The RE was adamant that while it appears I will *always* have two dominant follicles there is a very slim chance that I will actually ovulate both. (sigh) So after the u/s I was actually certain the RE would have me trigger at the office and then do an IUI tomorrow. Nope. The RE wanted to give my follicles more time to mature (huh?) and so instead wanted me to trigger tonight at 8:30pm and come in for the IUI on Friday morning. This would be 48 hours from the mid-cycle u/s. So we left with that plan. But I KNEW that I would get a + OPK at lunchtime and ... I DID! So I immediately called the RE. The nurse advised me to do the HCG trigger shot ASAP and then scheduled the IUI for tomorrow at 8:45am. This will be approx 21 hours after a + OPK.
What will I remember most about today? We have only told our close friends (mostly other lesbian couples) that we are trying to get pregnant. The exception is a coworker. This coworker seriously knows ALL the parts of this journey because it's been important for me to have someone to support me outside of the house. So I got told to do the trigger shot ASAP today. I had the shot with me at the office because I had come straight from the RE appointment. I immediately sent a message to my coworker and told her to come to my office ASAP. The blinds got shut. The office door got locked and I proceeded (in the midst of giggles) to have my coworker jab me in the stomach with the HCG shot. The best part ...
Me: "All done."
Coworker: "Oh GOD! You are bleeding."
Me: "Nah. It's alright."
Coworker: "And we don't want it to leak out."
Me: "What? It's not going to leak out."
My coworker proceeds to grab some gauze the RE office gave to me and then she reaches over and grabs a piece of scotch tape.
Me: "What the hell are you doing?"
Coworker: "I'm taping you up."
Me: "Jesus. At least go get me a band-aid."
Coworker: "Right! Should I throw the needle away when I go out there?"
Me: (eye roll) "NO!"
I told my coworker that even if I do not get pregnant this time around that I will always remember that moment. I will be back tomorrow with an update on the IUI.
10.22.15 - ouch
IUI # 1 is officially in the books!! A new baby became a very real possibility today.
I had hopes that Kara would be able to go to the IUI today but we were unable to secure a sitter for the boys. But in the end I was reminded that Kara did not in fact come to the IUI that resulted in our boys. So after I learned that fact I told her to keep her ass at home!
It was a difficult IUI today. I'm starting to get tired of the RE being so pessimistic about my chances of success without the use of fertility medications. The appointment started with the following conversation ...
RE: "So you got a surge yesterday?"
ME: "Yep. I got a + OPK at Noon."
RE: "I'm still worried that you are ovulating way too early. It's indicative of poor ovarian reserve."
ME: "I know. You have told me that. But we did the IUI for my twin pregnancy on CD 12. Today is CD 11. There isn't that much of a difference."
RE: "Really?"
Me: "Yep. I actually think it's why it worked. The time was spot on."
RE: "I know. But you are older now."
ME: "OK. Can we just be optimistic for at least one cycle? I need optimism. I'm here now. Let's just give it a try."
RE: "I know. I know."
So then it was on to the IUI. I'm really glad it was not my first rodeo because I seriously might consider never going back again. It started out innocent enough. There was the usual battle of the speculum but thankfully, especially after all that was to come, the RE made the necessary change to keep me comfortable. So I then proceeded to hear a bunch of "Oh crap." "Nope." "Let's try that again." "Yikes." "You sure you gave birth vaginally." "Let me try again." "This is so not going to work." "I"m going to need a new catheter." until finally I heard ... "Um. Yep. I'm going to need some help." So I proceeded to get my first ever u/s guided IUI. (Interestingly enough I have read that IUI success rates tend to increase with the use of u/s.) The nurse that was in the room proceeded to use an abdominal u/s to let the RE get some insight into my cervix and uterus. The RE could not, for some reason, get the catheter through my cervix to get it into perfect place in my uterus. There was some more struggle and finally the RE asked the nurse to get a different catheter. Great! This is going just dandy. But thankfully with the guidance of u/s and the different catheter all was OK in the end. I could tell the moment the catheter broke through to the other side. HA. But the best part of a not so pleasant situation was actually getting to watch the sperm get released into my uterus. The nurse was very sweet to point this out on the u/s screen. I silently told the little buggers to swim!! I did the normal post IUI rest period and then I headed home for a nice family day. I have had some bleeding but the RE, in his own words, warned me that "You will have some bleeding. I've caused a bit of trauma down here today." ... NICE. I have also had some cramping. But all appears to have resided as of 12 hours after the IUI.
I also had a repeat TSH drawn yesterday and my TSH level has decreased to 1.72 so this is almost ideal. I will continue to take the 25 mg of Synthroid daily.
So now we wait.
11.5.15 - PREGNANT
Today I am pregnant!!
Let me educate all my readers ... The two week time period between the IUI and the official test day never gets easy. The days passed at the pace of a drunk snail! It was also interesting to experience this week having successfully been pregnant in the past. I will tell my readers that on 8dpIUI I came home from work and as I walked into the kitchen I looked up at Kara and I told her "I'm pregnant. I'm not sure if it will stick. But I'm pregnant." And then I proceeded to get a crazy look from Kara. I made that declaration without ever taking a single pregnancy test. Why? One simple symptom. I had cramping all day on 8dpIUI. It was the same day I had cramping with the twin pregnancy. So this launched me into an obsessive several days of taking pregnancy tests every morning at the break of dawn. So similar to my pregnancy with Jakob & Alex I started taking the pregnancy tests so that I could test out my trigger shot. And just like with Jakob & Alex I never got a negative test. Now don't you worry. This fact did not reassure me in the least bit. Why? Because my pregnancy tests this time around were substantially lighter than my pregnancy tests with Jakob & Alex. A rational person would immediately respond with "Duh! You are pregnant with a singleton this time around. Of course the tests won't be as dark." But to the crazy, stressed out (pregnant) woman all I thought was "Sh#t! It's not going to stick." Well I managed to make it to the end of the two week wait today. These were my pregnancy test over the last few days...
I called the RE as soon as the office opened for the day and hightailed it over to get some b/w. And then I waited ... ALL DAY LONG .... It was a long wait. The nurse did not call me back until 4:45pm. I took the call in our upstairs bathroom to block out the screaming toddlers in the bedroom! My HCG level at 14piui is 207. I think this is a very solid number. The nurse responded with "It's a great number." And for those readers at home that believe the number might be a bit high don't you worry because my HCG with my twin pregnancy at 14dpiui was 425. So I think we are in a solid place for a singleton! I go back for more b/w on 18dpiui. This is slightly different than what my old RE did with my previous pregnancies. I would typically go back on 16dpiui. But I'm actually happier to go back on 18dpiui. I think it will give us a better picture of how my HCG level is trending.
So my symptoms ... So very similar to those that I had with Jakob & Alex. I get tired fairly early each night but I'm also not sleeping all that great. I have a ton of pimples on my face. I feel like I'm getting ready to start my period. I cramp regularly. I am dreaming like crazy. I have pregnancy brain. I'm completely forgetful most of the time.
So that is where we stand at the moment. I'm excited. I'm terrified. I know bad things happen with the snap of the fingers. But the good news .... I know that, at a minimum, I can still get pregnant. And we did it without the use of any fertility medication!!! (take that DR. PESSIMISTIC). We have also been sharing this journey with our core group of nearest and dearest friends and as such we know we have a great support team behind us.
11.9.15 - still pregnant
My HCG level 18dpiui is 1,122!
This is a great website that I found in regards to HCG levels. Here is the information for my levels. All good at the moment. Yes. My HCG levels are "somewhat" high but still substantially lower than my HCG levels with my twin pregnancy. I'm praying this means we have one little HEALTHY stinker that is settling in for the long haul.
We go this week for an early u/s at 4w6d. This is different than what my previous RE did with my twin pregnancy. I was able to get my Dad to babysit the boys so Kara will be with me at the appointment. I'm just hoping he doesn't start to ask questions! It will be too early to see a heartbeat but we are hoping the RE deems all to be in the right place and on the right track. I will update later this week.
11.11.15 - 4w6d
We saw one perfectly placed gestational sac today. Please allow me to introduce you to our little blob...
The baby looks just like me!
I will not lie. There was an audible sigh of relief from the entire room when a single gestational sac popped up on the screen. All looks okay with our blob. The RE mentioned that I have a hematoma in my uterus and "not to worry about it" ... Right. (so I ran home and got on GOOGLE!!!) No problem. I'll just go home and forget about the blood clot resting next to little blob. A hematoma occurs in about 3.1% of all pregnancies. (there I go again hitting the odds) The RE explained it as a "problem" during implantation where the embryo pulls away from the wall of the uterus because it decides to go to a different location. OK. So did little blob have a map and realized he or she turned left at the light instead of turning right at the light? Who knows? The RE did mention that little blob is snuggled in tightly on the left side of my uterus and I ovulated from my right ovary. So I guess little blob is one determined individual because he or she decided to take the long journey to the other side of my uterus. There must be prime real estate over on that side. Most patients with a hematoma experience no symptoms during their pregnancy. However, it is possible, that I could experience some bleeding if the hematoma decides it is bored with my uterus and wants to leave before it's jail sentence is up. So basically if I bleed I'm only suppose to semi panic. No problem. However, a hematoma discovered prior to 9w0d is shown to increase the miscarriage risk. So let's tell the hematoma to mind it's own business!
We go back at 6w6d to check on little blob. We need to see a heartbeat.
My pregnancy symptoms are exactly the same as with my twin pregnancy. I am covered in pimples. I have periods of exhaustion. My mood swings are all over the place. I'm bloated. And I have occasional cramping. Do we have a boy in there?
I am hopeful. But as always I try to remain realistic. We have a long way to go with the pregnancy. But today ... I am pregnant.
11.19.15 - 6w0d
I'm so not calm. Nope. Not at all. I think today has been the hardest. I'm 6w0d. I think it's been difficult because I know that today would be around the time that little blob would have a heartbeat. So I find my mind wandering to that question. And it's a question I cannot answer. And I just want it answered NOW. So I continue to wait. I also find myself watching Jakob and Alex everyday and knowing that at one point they were also a little ball of cells just like little blob is today. And now they are amazing little humans. I just want that for little blob. I just need little blob to be healthy!!! I also, in all seriousness, don't know if I can do this again.
I feel pregnant. That fact alone required me to spill the beans to my boss at work. And of course that makes me nervous too. What if we don't see a heartbeat? I know from friends that pregnancy symptoms do not always equal a healthy pregnancy. So my symptoms do not bring me any peace. I'm exhausted. All the time. I am hungry. All the time. If I'm not stuffing food in my mouth then I have a super upset tummy. I'm craving Taco Bell soft tacos and ONLY Taco Bell soft tacos. I have now had them three days in a row. I'm bloated (because I'm eating too much). I still have pimples all over the place. I have a hard time with anything that requires concentration.
I need to find my peaceful spot! I am searching ...
11.25.15 - 6w6d
Our u/s today showed one stubborn kid with a heartbeat of 138 bpm and measuring right on track at 6w5d.
To say I was nervous for the u/s would be an understatement. My heart was literally beating out of my chest as I waited to see if little blob had a heartbeat. The RE had some difficulty getting a good view of little blob at the beginning of the u/s. This caused me to panic. The RE went to push on my stomach to get a better view and literally replied with "I can feel your heart in your stomach." .... DUH! I'M NERVOUS!!! It turns out little blob is snuggled about as far from the u/s probe as a little blob can possibly be. Plus you combine that with a full bladder and the RE was struggling to get a clear measurement. The RE told me to get dressed and go empty my bladder before trying the u/s again. He was kind enough to reply though that he definitely saw a heartbeat. Once I emptied my bladder the u/s went a bit better. Though little blob is still stubborn by positioning himself so far away. I never could see the heartbeat on the u/s but Kara insisted she could see it just fine. The RE was also able to get a measurement. We go back in one week, at 8w0d, for another u/s. I hope I can see a beautiful heartbeat at that appointment.
Here is our u/s picture from 6w6d. (that's little blob in the bottom right corner)
Things are a struggle at the moment. I am sick around the clock. The nausea is constant. I am exhausted. I sleep upwards of 11 or 12 hours at night and I have been requiring a nap during the day. I am living in a fog and I feel like I have been a horrible mother to Jakob and Alex too. I worry about my perfomance at work too. A lot of it is the hormones. I know. I would actually consider myself to be a bit depressed at the moment. But I am taking it day by day. I keep talking to little blob and hoping that my constant sickness means growth for little blob. But I won't sugar coat it. Life is rough at the moment.
