** I have some immediate family members that read this blog. Please DO NOT discuss the below with the parties involved in this story. PLEASE and THANK YOU!! **
Kara and I had several discussions leading up to the Supreme Court decision in regards to where we were going to get married. We just assumed we would be married at the courthouse. Our only hesitation was our strong desire to have Jakob and Alex at our marriage ceremony. And that led to a subsequent huge hesitation to have the boys exposed to the potential chaos of the courthouse. We live in a large metropolitan area and the courthouse is overwhelming for even the most weathered of adults. I have an absolutely amazing relationship with my Aunt J and Uncle J. Both, despite getting a bit older, are extremely involved in Jakob and Alex's life. We are so grateful for all they do to love and support our family. They are advocates for us on a daily basis. My Uncle J has a tendency to FWD many e-mail messages to me. I will admit that I often delete these messages without a thought. I received one such e-mail message a few weeks prior to the Supreme Court decision. I deleted it. I went home for the day. The next day I got this extremely weird urge to go back and pull-up the deleted e-mail message. It was crazy. I cannot explain it. The e-mail message was a newsletter from the church my Uncle J attends in a small town to the near North of our home. It is a Unitarian Universalist Congregation. The church was advertising a Same Sex Wedding Day in hopeful anticipation that same sex marriage would become legal in our home state. The individualized ceremonies would take place on July 4th and they were open to any couple regardless of religious affiliation. It was PERFECT. It was a perfect little country church. Gorgeous. I sent a few e-mails back and forth with the pastor of the church and soon after Kara and I decided it would be a perfect match. We told no one of our plans. We did not tell our family. We also did not tell the pastor of the church the name of the family member who had passed the information onto us. We were keeping this marriage a secret. So fast forward to this evening as I was having a telephone conversation with my Aunt J ... I mentioned that we had set our plans prior to a ruling being made by the Supreme Court. There were a few weeks of "waiting" in between when we decided to participate in the marriage ceremony at the church and when same sex marriage actually became legal. My Uncle J was attending weekly services at the church. He struck up a small conversation with the pastor after the conclusion of the service. The pastor began to excitedly discuss the potential same sex marriage day and without knowing about the relationship that existed between myself and my Uncle J the pastor began to describe my family to my Uncle J. She then began to talk, without names, some of the ways in which I described Jakob and Alex in our email conversations. I was told that my Uncle J ... A quiet man. A stoic man. A war veteran. A lifetime drug and alcohol counselor. A religious man. A disciplined man. A man who can take a lot without it shaking him in the least bit. ... began to cry. The pastor, of course taken back, immediately asked my Uncle J what was troubling him. I guess it took a minute but my Uncle J managed to regain his composure and he replied "Are you talking about ...?" and the pastor responded with extreme confusion "Yes. How did you know that?" to which my amazing Uncle J replied, "You are talking about my niece. I had no idea she was planning to get married. I'm just so happy." .... Needless to say I struggled with my composure as my Aunt J relayed that story to me tonight. I struggle on many days with completely loving myself. I've come a LONG way but I am still a work in progress. It is difficult when so much of the world still continues to spill hate about the way God chose to make me. I am able to block a lot our but on some days a story will get to me. I struggle with finding a path back to organized religion when, while my relationship with God is such an important part of my life, I grew-up in a faith that continues to speak out against my "sinful" life. That makes it difficult to work on the self love part. And it's a life that no one, other than myself and God, actually knows with 100% truth. I struggle when I have a twin brother who thinks less of me as a person because of my sexuality. I am an adult. And I still struggle. I still fear for so many young people. So to hear this story. It makes me feel loved like no other. I am so grateful to my wonderful family and friends. And this is a story I want to remember forever.
Mary
