We have picked our donor!
This was an interesting process. There is really no other experience to which I can compare it.
We had to first select a sperm bank.
Did you know that there are literally hundreds of sperm banks across the country? Yeah. Me neither. And this process is not like buying a new car where the same inventory exists at multiple locations. Remember no two donors are alike. And each sperm bank has its own unique set of rules and guidelines. Not to mention the cost differential between each place. We were initially against using a local sperm bank as I had this bizarre nightmare of finding out years from now that my child is biologically related to some random dude that went to college with me! Yikes. However, after discussing possible locations with our RE, we decided that our best choice would in fact be the local sperm bank. We made this decision for several reasons. The most important of which is our RE has had no negative experiences with this location. Also, this sperm bank does not require us to fill out a ton of additional paperwork or get unnecessary medical tests completed and because the sperm bank is local the delivery charges are significantly lower. Once we selected a sperm bank we needed to make an even more difficult decision ...
Do we want to use a willing to be known donor (WTBK) or do we want to use an an anonymous donor?
This was the most difficult decision for us. This is a conversation that Kara and I have been having for over a year. We initially were adament on using a WTBK donor. A WTBK donor will allow any offspring conceived through the use of his sperm to contact him after the child has turned 18. I had several concerns about denying my child the opportunity to "know" more about his or her genetic history. I tried on several occasions to put myself in my future child's shoes and try to understand the feelings I would experience had I been conceived with the help of a donor. However, I quickly learned that I would have no idea what sort of feelings that would bring to the surface. So instead, Kara and I realized that as parents we are going to have to make a lot of choices for our child through the years in which we might not know the best choice. You just do your best. So we made the decision to use an anonymous donor. Our main concern is for the well-being of our child. A single donor could potentially have only one or two offspring conceived through the use of his sperm. Or a single donor could have upwards of twenty offspring conceived through the use of his sperm. The statistics are somewhat unknown. Therefore, Kara and I fear that the "human" connection that our child would be hoping to establish with his or her donor would be minimal at best. It isn't even guaranteed that the donor would respond to our child's request for additional contact. Imagine as a donor if you suddenly had 20 "adult children" contacting you for information. We do not want our child to be hurt by unrealistic expectations. We will instead sign our child up for the donor sibling registry in hopes that he or she will be able to eventually reach out to other children conceived through the use of the same donor. We think a relationship with a half sibling would be more beneficial in the long run. We may never know if we made the right decision but we feel that we have made the best decision for the time being.
Our final decision was to select our actual donor.
This surprisingly ended up being a somewhat easy decision. Our initial goal was to select a donor that "closely" resembled the physical characteristics of Kara. In an ideal world, we would like for it to be near impossible for outsiders to identify the biological mom amongst Kara and myself. Because to our child we will both be "mom". The last thing we want is a child with black hair! Whose the momma?? Our second area of concern with the health history of the donor. We understand that it is near impossible to select a donor with a perfect family medical history but we wanted at minimum for a donor to be in stellar health. We took both of these guidelines into consideration and surprisingly found the perfect match in just minutes! Our donor, in near perfect health at the time of donation, has a head full of curly brown hair and a physical stature similar to mine ... that means he is somewhat short! The donor has absolutely beautiful brown eyes and eyelashes that go on for miles. The donor listed his hobbies as woodworking and music. This is Kara! Plus, the donor already has one child which is important because we know that he can get someone pregnant. We were able to receive a current (at the time of donation) photo of our donor which we will one day share with our child.
So that is it. The story of picking a donor in a nutshell.
Mary
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Thursday, January 27, 2011
we have been cleared for launch!
I feel like we are now standing in front of this huge pile of hay with all of our safety gear on and we are getting ready to start digging. I have no idea what type of safety gear one would wear to search through a pile of hay ... perhaps googles and gloves :) ... but you get the point. We are about to begin this adventure for real! And I could not be more excited (and petrified at the same time).
So all of the bloodwork I had done last week came back "fantastic"! This is good as the bloodwork measured all types of hormone levels (ex. FSH, Estradiol, LH, Prolactin, Progesterone) and it also checked my thyroid (TSH). The bloodwork also indicated that I have an RH+ blood type (though I forgot to actually ask my blood type) and that I am CMV- (or not immune to the cytomegalovirus). So the only thing Kara and I need to take into consideration when choosing a donor is the CMV status. We will need to pick a CMV- donor to reduce my risks of contracting CMV while pregnant.
Then today I had the HSG test done. I think the stress leading up to this test was much worse than the actual test itself. The hardest part (besides my severe hatred for the speculum from hell) was finding my way around the place. I have never been in so many different rooms in my life. Imagine this situation ... Room #1 (it has two exits) ... This is the registration room. Room #2 (it has two exits) I get naked in this room. Tell me why the lady that took me to this room gave me with like 50 different gowns to put on. I stopped at two as I was starting to feel like an elephant. I'm also all of 5 feet tall so I was trying not to trip on the gown that was dragging along on the floor. That has to be sanitary. Room #3 (it has two exits) ... The procedure room. I am thankfully guided to this room and then promptly told to hop up on the table and let it all hang out! So of course I don't remember to memorize the door that I came in through. Oops. Room #4 (it has two exits) ... The bathroom. The tech leads me to this room to "clean-up". Um okay? Exactly how many people have cleaned up in this room? Gross. I proceed with caution. I am told to come back out when I am done. Shoot ... I can't remember the door I came in. So now I spend the next few minutes cleaning up and then realize that I don't even have my underwear with me. Um? This is not good. I'm going to be dirty again by the time I get back to my room and I get to carry the pad they gave me back to the room. Lovely. Remember what comes in must come out! So I pick a door ... and enter into an empty hallway. Now I don't know which room is mine ... they all look the same. All I want is my damn pair of underwear! So I stop for a minute ... and pray that I am not leaking anything on the floor and then start walking up and down the hallway. Finally, someone pops out into the hallway and guides me back to Room #1. My original starting point. I get dressed and then spend the next few minutes debating which door leads me to freedom. Thankfully I picked the right door! See ... it was a maze! I was just happy to have my underwear back.
Okay ... I strayed off topic a bit. The good news is that both of my fallopian tubes are open!
So with all of that information Kara and I now proceed with picking a donor. We have it narrowed down to a few choices. We will spend the next several days picking our donor and then we have been instructed to call the RE on CD1 (cycle day). It will be at this time that our journey will officially begin. Buckle up ... It could get bumpy.
Mary
So all of the bloodwork I had done last week came back "fantastic"! This is good as the bloodwork measured all types of hormone levels (ex. FSH, Estradiol, LH, Prolactin, Progesterone) and it also checked my thyroid (TSH). The bloodwork also indicated that I have an RH+ blood type (though I forgot to actually ask my blood type) and that I am CMV- (or not immune to the cytomegalovirus). So the only thing Kara and I need to take into consideration when choosing a donor is the CMV status. We will need to pick a CMV- donor to reduce my risks of contracting CMV while pregnant.
Then today I had the HSG test done. I think the stress leading up to this test was much worse than the actual test itself. The hardest part (besides my severe hatred for the speculum from hell) was finding my way around the place. I have never been in so many different rooms in my life. Imagine this situation ... Room #1 (it has two exits) ... This is the registration room. Room #2 (it has two exits) I get naked in this room. Tell me why the lady that took me to this room gave me with like 50 different gowns to put on. I stopped at two as I was starting to feel like an elephant. I'm also all of 5 feet tall so I was trying not to trip on the gown that was dragging along on the floor. That has to be sanitary. Room #3 (it has two exits) ... The procedure room. I am thankfully guided to this room and then promptly told to hop up on the table and let it all hang out! So of course I don't remember to memorize the door that I came in through. Oops. Room #4 (it has two exits) ... The bathroom. The tech leads me to this room to "clean-up". Um okay? Exactly how many people have cleaned up in this room? Gross. I proceed with caution. I am told to come back out when I am done. Shoot ... I can't remember the door I came in. So now I spend the next few minutes cleaning up and then realize that I don't even have my underwear with me. Um? This is not good. I'm going to be dirty again by the time I get back to my room and I get to carry the pad they gave me back to the room. Lovely. Remember what comes in must come out! So I pick a door ... and enter into an empty hallway. Now I don't know which room is mine ... they all look the same. All I want is my damn pair of underwear! So I stop for a minute ... and pray that I am not leaking anything on the floor and then start walking up and down the hallway. Finally, someone pops out into the hallway and guides me back to Room #1. My original starting point. I get dressed and then spend the next few minutes debating which door leads me to freedom. Thankfully I picked the right door! See ... it was a maze! I was just happy to have my underwear back.
Okay ... I strayed off topic a bit. The good news is that both of my fallopian tubes are open!
So with all of that information Kara and I now proceed with picking a donor. We have it narrowed down to a few choices. We will spend the next several days picking our donor and then we have been instructed to call the RE on CD1 (cycle day). It will be at this time that our journey will officially begin. Buckle up ... It could get bumpy.
Mary
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
the word of the day is ...
OVERWHELMED!
We had our initial meeting with the RE today and I left the office with my head spinning. All I can say is thank goodness I have Kara by my side. She did an amazing job taking notes during the appointment. I don't think I was fully processing all that was being discussed so it was super nice to be able to come home and just look at the notes. Overall, we had a good experience with the visit today and I feel comfortable allowing this doctor to guide us through this process. I think our greatest stress at the moment is the financial aspect associated with trying to get pregnant. Because we will be paying totally out of pocket for all the procedures (in the words of my fine insurance representative ... "I think we need to review the definition of infertility." ... JERK) our "doctor tab" will get very large in a short amount of time. The good news is is that Kara and I have been setting aside money for this process for some time. However, there are just so many unknowns that make it difficult. I mean the financial aspect becomes irrelevant if we are one of the lucky ones that get pregnant on the first shot. But what happens if we have to cycle three, four, or five times? This is where I get nervous. We are trying to be as proactive as possible in hopes that it will save us some money in the long run. So, keeping the proactive aspect in mind, today's visit with the RE included a bunch of b/w (bloodwork). This is an accomplishment in itself as I am not the best patient when it comes to giving blood. I just don't like people taking what belongs to me. However, 7 vials of blood later I was still standing (or actually sitting) on my feet. The RE also did an u/s (ultrasound) to check my ovaries and uterus. The u/s results were normal (with the exception of a small fibroid in my uterus that is nothing to worry about). Then next week I am scheduled for a hysterosalpingogram (HSG) that will check to make certain that my uterus, ovaries, and fallopian tubes are all in good shape. I have heard from a little fly on the wall that this test is not exactly fun. However, it is actually a requirement to have done before the insemination process begins. Plus, it is better to know now if one of my fallopian tubes is blocked, then to find out after we have cycled several times and wasted thousands of dollars on sperm. Once we get all these tests done we will be in the clear to start our journey. So in the meantime, I am going to do my best to take the advice of my lovely lady. This process is a marathon and not a sprint. I cannot stress myself out worrying about something that is going to happen in the future. I can only focus on each moment. I have to remember to embrace each struggle. The end result would be the ultimate gift.
Mary
We had our initial meeting with the RE today and I left the office with my head spinning. All I can say is thank goodness I have Kara by my side. She did an amazing job taking notes during the appointment. I don't think I was fully processing all that was being discussed so it was super nice to be able to come home and just look at the notes. Overall, we had a good experience with the visit today and I feel comfortable allowing this doctor to guide us through this process. I think our greatest stress at the moment is the financial aspect associated with trying to get pregnant. Because we will be paying totally out of pocket for all the procedures (in the words of my fine insurance representative ... "I think we need to review the definition of infertility." ... JERK) our "doctor tab" will get very large in a short amount of time. The good news is is that Kara and I have been setting aside money for this process for some time. However, there are just so many unknowns that make it difficult. I mean the financial aspect becomes irrelevant if we are one of the lucky ones that get pregnant on the first shot. But what happens if we have to cycle three, four, or five times? This is where I get nervous. We are trying to be as proactive as possible in hopes that it will save us some money in the long run. So, keeping the proactive aspect in mind, today's visit with the RE included a bunch of b/w (bloodwork). This is an accomplishment in itself as I am not the best patient when it comes to giving blood. I just don't like people taking what belongs to me. However, 7 vials of blood later I was still standing (or actually sitting) on my feet. The RE also did an u/s (ultrasound) to check my ovaries and uterus. The u/s results were normal (with the exception of a small fibroid in my uterus that is nothing to worry about). Then next week I am scheduled for a hysterosalpingogram (HSG) that will check to make certain that my uterus, ovaries, and fallopian tubes are all in good shape. I have heard from a little fly on the wall that this test is not exactly fun. However, it is actually a requirement to have done before the insemination process begins. Plus, it is better to know now if one of my fallopian tubes is blocked, then to find out after we have cycled several times and wasted thousands of dollars on sperm. Once we get all these tests done we will be in the clear to start our journey. So in the meantime, I am going to do my best to take the advice of my lovely lady. This process is a marathon and not a sprint. I cannot stress myself out worrying about something that is going to happen in the future. I can only focus on each moment. I have to remember to embrace each struggle. The end result would be the ultimate gift.
Mary
Saturday, January 8, 2011
this pile of hay is REALLY big
I feel as if Kara and I have officially started looking for our needle in the haystack. We have scheduled an appointment with an RE (reproductive endocrinologist) for January 19th. We hope that this appointment will allow us to set-up a plan of action for the next year. The year in which we hope to conceive our first child. Now, while Kara and I feel as if the appointment will mark our first official step to parenthood, this journey actually began several years ago.
OUR STORY - I met Kara in September 2005. I was immediately in love .... with the hair! Kara has the most amazing head of crazy curly brown hair and that of course was what first made me lay eyes on her. We were both volunteering at a local community service project and I had been assigned to work in the same area as Kara. We actually did not speak to one another that much that day. Surprise! However, I remember that I spent most of the day sneaking glances at Kara. In addition to the crazy head of hair, Kara also has an amazing smile. I guess I was not the only one sneaking glances that day because a few months later I got an e-mail from Kara! I have to give the credit to Kara though for asking a mutual friend of ours for my e-mail address. That took guts. Well, our first date turned into a day long event and we never looked back ... This coming April we will celebrate our 5 year anniversary as a couple.
We first began discussing becoming parents in January 2010. I started to buy book after book that explored the different options we could pursue and Kara and I began talking about the idea of becoming parents with one another. We both want children (which is a good thing) but we both have different ideas on how we want to bring children into our family. However, after much discussion, we do believe that we can make both of our dreams come true. Because I am not getting any younger ... I will be 30 in only a few months ... we have decided that we will try to conceive our first child with the help of donor sperm. This decision has led us to the upcoming appointment with the RE.
So that's it for now. We hope that this blog will provide us an outlet for our thoughts and also provide some insight to others following a similar path.
Mary
OUR STORY - I met Kara in September 2005. I was immediately in love .... with the hair! Kara has the most amazing head of crazy curly brown hair and that of course was what first made me lay eyes on her. We were both volunteering at a local community service project and I had been assigned to work in the same area as Kara. We actually did not speak to one another that much that day. Surprise! However, I remember that I spent most of the day sneaking glances at Kara. In addition to the crazy head of hair, Kara also has an amazing smile. I guess I was not the only one sneaking glances that day because a few months later I got an e-mail from Kara! I have to give the credit to Kara though for asking a mutual friend of ours for my e-mail address. That took guts. Well, our first date turned into a day long event and we never looked back ... This coming April we will celebrate our 5 year anniversary as a couple.
We first began discussing becoming parents in January 2010. I started to buy book after book that explored the different options we could pursue and Kara and I began talking about the idea of becoming parents with one another. We both want children (which is a good thing) but we both have different ideas on how we want to bring children into our family. However, after much discussion, we do believe that we can make both of our dreams come true. Because I am not getting any younger ... I will be 30 in only a few months ... we have decided that we will try to conceive our first child with the help of donor sperm. This decision has led us to the upcoming appointment with the RE.
So that's it for now. We hope that this blog will provide us an outlet for our thoughts and also provide some insight to others following a similar path.
Mary
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