Monday, April 18, 2011

this does not get any easier

One would think that I would be better at waiting this time around.  Not true.  I actually think I have more anxiety this time.  I also think I have lower expectations.  I am such a pessimist.  I really need to work on finding a positive attitude.  Do you think they sell that at Walmart?  I think I keep the negative thoughts around because it makes the fall a bit softer if things don't work out in the end.  But, if I am pregnant, then I believe the negative attitude is a very bad thing.  I just can't seem to win!  I guess my point is ... I am working on the whole attitude thing!  I think Kara might slap me upside the face if she has to hear me say "I just know this did not work" one more time.

This time around I have had ZERO symptoms!  Nada.  None. Null.  Void.  I guess this is a good thing and a bad thing.  I would assume that I would have had some symptoms from the trigger shot.  Nope.  I mean last time I felt a million different twinges and I had to deal with nausea for several days.  This time I can't even make-up a symptom in my head.  There is nothing.  This supports my theory that it is hard to remain positive when you feel absolutely nothing.  Shouldn't I feel something?  Even if it is just a lousy side effect from the trigger shot.  Then again ... I am only 4dpiui.  Who knows?

I am also debating back and forth about testing out my trigger shot this time around.  I did that the last time and it made me an emotional wreck.  It sucks to stare at a stark white test.  No fun.  I'm technically not suppose to test until 14dpiui.  However, if the IUI did not work, then I will actually start spotting before I even reach 14dpiui.  So, if I follow the guidelines of the doctor, I have a strong possibility of not even getting to do a pregnancy test.  That's not fun either.  I should get to do at least one pregnancy test a month.  I haven't gotten to pee on a stick since February.  I just need to pee on something!! 

Mary 

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