One would think that I would be better at waiting this time around. Not true. I actually think I have more anxiety this time. I also think I have lower expectations. I am such a pessimist. I really need to work on finding a positive attitude. Do you think they sell that at Walmart? I think I keep the negative thoughts around because it makes the fall a bit softer if things don't work out in the end. But, if I am pregnant, then I believe the negative attitude is a very bad thing. I just can't seem to win! I guess my point is ... I am working on the whole attitude thing! I think Kara might slap me upside the face if she has to hear me say "I just know this did not work" one more time.
This time around I have had ZERO symptoms! Nada. None. Null. Void. I guess this is a good thing and a bad thing. I would assume that I would have had some symptoms from the trigger shot. Nope. I mean last time I felt a million different twinges and I had to deal with nausea for several days. This time I can't even make-up a symptom in my head. There is nothing. This supports my theory that it is hard to remain positive when you feel absolutely nothing. Shouldn't I feel something? Even if it is just a lousy side effect from the trigger shot. Then again ... I am only 4dpiui. Who knows?
I am also debating back and forth about testing out my trigger shot this time around. I did that the last time and it made me an emotional wreck. It sucks to stare at a stark white test. No fun. I'm technically not suppose to test until 14dpiui. However, if the IUI did not work, then I will actually start spotting before I even reach 14dpiui. So, if I follow the guidelines of the doctor, I have a strong possibility of not even getting to do a pregnancy test. That's not fun either. I should get to do at least one pregnancy test a month. I haven't gotten to pee on a stick since February. I just need to pee on something!!
Mary
Monday, April 18, 2011
Thursday, April 14, 2011
i feel like i am on repeat
I have officially been inseminated (again).
The procedure was essentially the same today. However, I have officially renamed donor cb*** to Captain America! He had super numbers today. We had a sperm count of 65 million with 82% motility post thaw. Not too shabby for a frozen sample. I just told the little guys (as I was once again doing the post insemination relaxation) that someone needs to volunteer to be the leader. We can't just have all followers in the group. And there should be absolutely no swimming around in circles. If you are lost, ask your tour guide for a map. This should not be very hard! I was fortunate enough to actually have my RE do the IUI procedure today. And it made a world of difference. She is just a super calm and relaxed person and all that positive energy puts me in a much better place. The other doctors (while super nice) have always been in a much bigger hurry. I just felt good about things today. The remainder of my day ended up being super stressful so that does worry me a bit even though I rationally know that whatever was going to happen would happen no matter my stress level. It would have just been nice to keep the positive momentum for the remainder of the day. So now I wait ... again .... I'm really getting good at this whole waiting game! I will continue to hope for the best.
Mary
The procedure was essentially the same today. However, I have officially renamed donor cb*** to Captain America! He had super numbers today. We had a sperm count of 65 million with 82% motility post thaw. Not too shabby for a frozen sample. I just told the little guys (as I was once again doing the post insemination relaxation) that someone needs to volunteer to be the leader. We can't just have all followers in the group. And there should be absolutely no swimming around in circles. If you are lost, ask your tour guide for a map. This should not be very hard! I was fortunate enough to actually have my RE do the IUI procedure today. And it made a world of difference. She is just a super calm and relaxed person and all that positive energy puts me in a much better place. The other doctors (while super nice) have always been in a much bigger hurry. I just felt good about things today. The remainder of my day ended up being super stressful so that does worry me a bit even though I rationally know that whatever was going to happen would happen no matter my stress level. It would have just been nice to keep the positive momentum for the remainder of the day. So now I wait ... again .... I'm really getting good at this whole waiting game! I will continue to hope for the best.
Mary
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
i will take any good news
I had my cd 11 u/s today. I have two mature follicles (one on each side) that measure at 22mm and 21mm. I think my body responded appropriately to the clomid this time around. I only took 25mg instead of 50mg. I feel much better about having two follicles instead of four follicles. I also took note of my endometrial lining this time around (it was 8mm) as it is known that taking clomid can decrease the thickness of the uterine lining. I believe this is a decent number (at least according to Dr. Google). I think, from reading different articles, that you should have a lining of between 8mm - 12mm. This is considered "good". If the lining of the uterus is too thin (or even too thick) then the embryo cannot implant properly. So I'm not too worried about the "lower" number. I really wish I would have looked at this number during cycle # 1. So ... The nurse gave me my trigger shot at the office and I am scheduled to have the IUI tomorrow morning (this will be approximately 24 hours later). The shot did not hurt this time. This is a very good thing. I could hardly walk the last time! I was hobbling around like a little old lady. I also made the nurse give me the shot in my other butt cheek this time. I figured the butt cheek we used the last time (the right side) ended with poor results. So this time around I gave the honors to the left butt cheek! I will try anything!! I am now just crossing my fingers for good timing (in relation to when I ovulate) and I am also crossing my fingers that CB*** brings his "A" game tomorrow morning!
Mary
Mary
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
cycle # 3
I had my baseline ultrasound this morning (on cd 3) and I am happy (okay I am actually more like super duper thrilled) to announce that I am cyst free!!! The RE that did my ultrasound this morning made me very nervous when she first walked into the room because she "cheerfully" announced that she was having very bad luck with all her baseline ultrasound appointments today. I just gave her the side eye and told her that bad luck was banned from this particular exam room. I guess it worked!! I am sure she is glad it work too because I might have given her a swift kick to the face if she would have mentioned the word cyst in relation to my ovaries! I'm only kidding.
The office was super busy this morning. Okay. It was actually crazy busy. I'm glad I know what I am doing at this point because today if you were unsure of any policy or procedure you might have actually gotten run down in the hallway. I usually do all my follow-up with the nurse after my appointment but she was busy talking to another patient. I was patiently waiting my turn but the RE decided that she could handle all the follow-up information herself and promptly jotted down all the information on a post-it note. This made me a bit nervous. It also made me chuckle. I thought to myself as I was leaving the office that there was no way in hell that any of that information was going to make it into my chart. I was already assuming that I was going to have to make a follow-up call to the office tomorrow. However, I got a call (only two hours later) from the pharmacy that fills the hcg trigger shot for me. So, I guess I was wrong ... at least some of the information made it into my chart. The true test will be to see if they actually recorded my next appointment in the computer. The RE scheduled my next appointment (on a post-it note) by letting me pick any random time that I wanted to come back to the office. Um?? How do you know that time is available?? Whatever! It was funny.
The process is basically staying the same this month. I am however only taking 25mg of Clomid this time around from cd 3 - cd 7. This is going to reduce the chance of me having so many mature follicles come ovulation time. I am just hoping it doesn't reduce the number to zero though. That would be bad. It will also reduce the chance of one of those follicles failing to release an egg and turning into a cyst and forcing me to sit out another cycle next month. I will go back for my next monitoring appointment on cd 11. I am crossing my fingers (and toes and eyes) that all continues to go well this month.
Mary
The office was super busy this morning. Okay. It was actually crazy busy. I'm glad I know what I am doing at this point because today if you were unsure of any policy or procedure you might have actually gotten run down in the hallway. I usually do all my follow-up with the nurse after my appointment but she was busy talking to another patient. I was patiently waiting my turn but the RE decided that she could handle all the follow-up information herself and promptly jotted down all the information on a post-it note. This made me a bit nervous. It also made me chuckle. I thought to myself as I was leaving the office that there was no way in hell that any of that information was going to make it into my chart. I was already assuming that I was going to have to make a follow-up call to the office tomorrow. However, I got a call (only two hours later) from the pharmacy that fills the hcg trigger shot for me. So, I guess I was wrong ... at least some of the information made it into my chart. The true test will be to see if they actually recorded my next appointment in the computer. The RE scheduled my next appointment (on a post-it note) by letting me pick any random time that I wanted to come back to the office. Um?? How do you know that time is available?? Whatever! It was funny.
The process is basically staying the same this month. I am however only taking 25mg of Clomid this time around from cd 3 - cd 7. This is going to reduce the chance of me having so many mature follicles come ovulation time. I am just hoping it doesn't reduce the number to zero though. That would be bad. It will also reduce the chance of one of those follicles failing to release an egg and turning into a cyst and forcing me to sit out another cycle next month. I will go back for my next monitoring appointment on cd 11. I am crossing my fingers (and toes and eyes) that all continues to go well this month.
Mary
Saturday, April 2, 2011
good-bye March and hello April
In March 2011 ... I was forced to take a TTC break. I turned 30. I lost my Nana (grandmother).
Needless to say I was ready to say good-bye to March 2011.
I'm not sure where this post is going but I feel as if I need to get some of my thoughts out of my head.
I watched my grandmother die on March 25, 2011 at 1:24pm.
My grandmother was an extraordinary woman. There are no words that can properly memorialize her life.
The night before my grandmother died I was blessed to have been able to spend the night with my mother as we kept vigil next to my grandmother. We spent the entire night, in between a few cat naps, telling stories about my life experiences with my grandmother. It did not take long during that night before I realized that many of my memories from my childhood revolve around my Nana and Papa. They taught me how to play poker. We always gambled when we played poker. We would steal the pennies from the "Holland America" cruise line tin that was stored in the bottom drawer of the green cabinet in the living room. I knew what a "three of a kind" was before I knew my multiplication tables. My favorite meal that my grandmother would cook me was Stouffer's frozen macaroni and cheese with canned salmon. I was a weird child. We would have root beer floats for dessert. I only ever ate pork chops at my grandparent's house. My grandparent's loved Graeter's ice cream. Needless to say my grandfather was thrilled when I got a job at Graeter's in college. We would spend Christmas in Port Charlotte, FL. I got to plant a pineapple plant in Florida. I named the pineapple plant "pine-dog". We would go out to the orange tree in the morning and pick our oranges for the orange juice my grandmother would make for breakfast. We would spend our days swimming at Pauline and Richard's house. My grandmother would scratch my back when I was stressed or upset. My grandmother refused to say "good-bye" it was instead "see you soon". My grandmother always said "I love you". There are so many memories. There are too many memories to write on these pages.
My grandmother suffered for many years. But my grandmother also fought hard. She was confined to a wheelchair for over ten years. Her dignity stripped away. But the smile never left her face. She refused to give up the fight. Even in the end. My grandmother fought for almost two weeks. This was two weeks of essentially no food or water. She fought until the very end. The moment that my grandmother took her last breath will be a moment that I will never forget. I may have lost my grandmother. But I gained an angel in heaven. I truly believe that.
I only hope that my children are blessed to have the same sort of relationship with their grandmothers.
It is now April. We will begin cycle #3 this coming week. I am ready. I must believe.
Mary
Needless to say I was ready to say good-bye to March 2011.
I'm not sure where this post is going but I feel as if I need to get some of my thoughts out of my head.
I watched my grandmother die on March 25, 2011 at 1:24pm.
My grandmother was an extraordinary woman. There are no words that can properly memorialize her life.
The night before my grandmother died I was blessed to have been able to spend the night with my mother as we kept vigil next to my grandmother. We spent the entire night, in between a few cat naps, telling stories about my life experiences with my grandmother. It did not take long during that night before I realized that many of my memories from my childhood revolve around my Nana and Papa. They taught me how to play poker. We always gambled when we played poker. We would steal the pennies from the "Holland America" cruise line tin that was stored in the bottom drawer of the green cabinet in the living room. I knew what a "three of a kind" was before I knew my multiplication tables. My favorite meal that my grandmother would cook me was Stouffer's frozen macaroni and cheese with canned salmon. I was a weird child. We would have root beer floats for dessert. I only ever ate pork chops at my grandparent's house. My grandparent's loved Graeter's ice cream. Needless to say my grandfather was thrilled when I got a job at Graeter's in college. We would spend Christmas in Port Charlotte, FL. I got to plant a pineapple plant in Florida. I named the pineapple plant "pine-dog". We would go out to the orange tree in the morning and pick our oranges for the orange juice my grandmother would make for breakfast. We would spend our days swimming at Pauline and Richard's house. My grandmother would scratch my back when I was stressed or upset. My grandmother refused to say "good-bye" it was instead "see you soon". My grandmother always said "I love you". There are so many memories. There are too many memories to write on these pages.
My grandmother suffered for many years. But my grandmother also fought hard. She was confined to a wheelchair for over ten years. Her dignity stripped away. But the smile never left her face. She refused to give up the fight. Even in the end. My grandmother fought for almost two weeks. This was two weeks of essentially no food or water. She fought until the very end. The moment that my grandmother took her last breath will be a moment that I will never forget. I may have lost my grandmother. But I gained an angel in heaven. I truly believe that.
I only hope that my children are blessed to have the same sort of relationship with their grandmothers.
It is now April. We will begin cycle #3 this coming week. I am ready. I must believe.
Mary
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)