It finally felt like fall over the weekend. And fall is my absolute most favorite time of the year. We had to bundle the boys up a bit when we took them on our nightly walk. And of course that lead to a lot of cuteness.
Alex
Jakob
From the moment I got pregnant I always assumed that Jakob and Alex would be our only children. Kara and I had always talked about having two kids and then we got pregnant with twins and it just seemed like our family was going to be complete in one swoop. Plus I didn't exactly have a picture perfect pregnancy and so often we made the comment "God knew we wanted two children so we were blessed with twins so that I wouldn't have to ever be pregnant again". In fact, I often got asked when I was pregnant whether or not we would have more children. My response was always, "Nope. We got our instant family." I think I told my OB this exact sentiment at least a handful of times during my pregnancy. And then the boys were born. And now Kara and I don't know if our family is complete. We feel differently almost every day. Under "traditional" circumstances this would not be a problem. We would just make the decision a couple of years down the road. But Kara and I do not have a "traditional" family. And so this forces us to make decisions about our future in the next few months that I really wish I did not have to make in such a quick time frame.
So what are our options? And what are our current obstacles?
We currently have one IUI ready vial from our donor being stored at our RE's office. We have to pay a yearly storage fee to keep this vial at the location. If you compare the current cost of one vial ($515) versus the yearly storage cost (about $100 per year), then it would make sense to continue to pay the storage fee for a couple of years versus having the vial destroyed and starting from scratch with a new vial should we decide to try and get pregnant in a couple of years. But if we decide to not get pregnant then we could be out a few hundred dollars. Not a big deal. So this is the least of our worries. Our bigger concern at the moment ... Do we buy more IUI ready vials from the cyrobank? Like I mentioned above we only have one IUI ready vial from our donor. There is no guarantee, should we decide to have another child in a couple of years, that our donor would have any vials left for purchase. I am for certain that I want our children to be at least half-siblings. In all probability, although stranger things have happened, I would be the one to get pregnant again. This would mean our children would be full siblings if we used the same donor or half-siblings if we used a different donor. However, should we decide that Kara would be the one to get pregnant, then I would absolutely want to use the same donor so that our children are at least half-siblings with each other. Plus, there is a part of me that feels, if we were to have another child, it would be difficult for that child, especially if he or she is a singleton, to genetically be connected to a donor different from the donor we used for Jakob and Alex. That's just my feelings. So this is the reason a decision needs to be made soon. We can purchase additional IUI ready vials but then so many questions come to the surface. How many vials do we purchase? It took us 5 tries to get pregnant with Jakob and Alex. I will be older in a couple of years. Strike 1. And I got pregnant with the help of fertility medication. I would like to avoid the use of fertility medications if we decide to get pregnant again. I do not think my body could handle another multiple pregnancy. Strike 2. So do I expect it to take 6 or 7 or 8 tries the next time. What happens if we purchase a handful of vials and amazingly we get pregnant on the first attempt? We would have a number of vials left in our possession. But what happens if we purchase a handful of vials and we are unable to get pregnant before we run out of vials? There is a part of me that feels like we should just use the one vial we have in a couple of years. If we get pregnant, then that would be wonderful. If we don't get pregnant, then that would be the sign that our family is complete. But really people ... that's like telling a straight couple you only get to have sex one time to try and finish your family. So really that is unrealistic. And then there is the financial aspect of the whole process. Remember I said that each IUI ready vial is approximately $500? Kara and I are by no means a wealthy family. So to turnover an extra $3,000 - $5,000 is not a walk in the park. Plus the cryobank has an annual storage fee of $340. Yikes! The cryobank will "buy" back any unused vials only if the donor is still in the program. This would be unlikely considering we would only be buying the vials should the number of vials available for purchase from our donor be getting smaller. Plus they only buy back the vials after taking a 30% restocking fee. So there is a part of me that just wants to live in denial. I'm just going to pretend that no one else will purchase vials from our donor. And the vials will be waiting for us should we choose to expand our family. Okay. That's unrealistic too. I guess I just need to get the courage to pick-up the phone and call the cyrobank to see how many IUI ready vials our donor has remaining in stock. Maybe the only vials the donor has sold will be the ones that Kara and I purchased almost two years ago! It would at least be a baby step in the right direction. Did I mention that I always hated multiple choice tests? I always over analyzed each possible choice and in the end I always seemed to make the wrong choice!
Mary
I’ve come to the conclusion that family planning is near impossible in a 2-mom family. It took us 7 IUI’s and Clomid to make Gracie and we now have 6 vials left. We often ask ourselves the same questions. If it took 7 to make Grace is 6 even enough? What if I get knocked up right away and have multiples (3 sets in my family so far). We won’t need the other vials, which is such a waste. So many questions.
ReplyDeleteSorry I have no pearls of wisdom… we too are choosing to live in denial. ;)