halloween

Let's just get it out in the open ... I think Halloween is my least favorite holiday of the entire year.  I think I would even rank Sweetest Day above Halloween on the "excitement" scale (gasp!).   But we all know that there is the official parenting handbook that was once published by some big-wig, with no kids, a bazillion years ago that states word for word that...

"All children, without exception, must participate in annual Halloween festivities.  All parents must spend 100 hours hand stitching an original costume.  And on Halloween night all parents and children must simultaneously trick-or-treat at the neighborhood houses while also passing out full size candy bars (none of this tootsie roll stuff) at their own house.  A true parent is able to multitask and should not be confused by any of these simple requirements."

Did I mention that I loathe this parenting handbook?  And while we are on this topic I actually have yet to receive my copy of this book that so many other parents seem to follow on a daily basis without any problems.  If it really is the Bible of the parenting world then shouldn't there be a copy in the nightstand of every hotel room?

Anyhow ...  I would like to introduce you to my little construction worker.

Okay.  So at this point you are thinking to yourself ... "WTH?  All you did was slap a tool belt around his waist.  You can yourself a parent?"

YES!  And because of my stellar parenting skills I am actually going to submit my application for the "Parent of the Year" competition that gives the winner a day long nap.  And I'm going to do that as soon as I can figure out where I am supposed to mail my application.  The contest officials left the address off of the application for some strange reason.

We let the boys be construction workers this year because I wanted a costume that could be used as a "toy" in the years to come.  Let's face it that as a Mommy and Momma to twin boys we didn't have a lot of extra cash around the house to waste on a costume that neither of the boys were going to want to wear come Halloween night.  And let me just also admit to you all that I couldn't even sew a button on my pants should the need arise.  And because you really can buy just about anything on Amazon I was able to put together a costume for the boys in less than 10 minutes!  Now that is what I call a tool from the parent toolbox.

My parents came over on trick-or-treat night to help with the grand adventures.  We started the evening with a super cranky Alex who was not feeling well and who was getting tired as trick-or-treat time is near bedtime for the average toddler.  Jakob on the other hand was happy as a clam and super excited to put on his construction worker costume.  We even managed, after about 30 minutes, to wrestle Alex into his tool belt.  And then we tried to put on the super adorable construction hats that came with the tool belts ... Yep.  That was not going to happen in a million years.  We tried every trick in the book and it was just not going to happen.  So we slapped winter hats on their heads instead and called them "North Pole Construction Workers" who were busy preparing Santa's sleigh for the busy holiday season.

Cute?

 
Right?

So once we got dressed we headed off to get some loot.   Okay.  It's time to be honest again.  We actually decided we needed to go trick-or-treating ASAP to replace the candy that was quickly being depleted by the kids coming to trick-or-treat at my house.  I had no idea we would get so many kids at our house.  We are new to the neighborhood.  I was actually throwing fruit snacks at Grandpa Heitzman as we left the house with the instructions, "Once you run out of fruit snacks just turn off the porch light and shut the front door and hide under the couch in the living room.  They might just believe we aren't home."  So off we went ...

House #1 - Alex lost his pants.

Yes.  I did just type that.  What can I say?  Alex is skinny.  He was wearing a heavy tool belt and I had, in all the chaos that is associated with getting 17 month old twins dressed-up for Halloween, put the wrong pants on Alex.  I also really just wanted to add to my "Parent of the Year" application in the section listed "Anything else you would like the committee to know?".  There is nothing like impressing your new neighbors by letting them see your son naked on their front porch.  Maybe house # 2 would be better ....

House #2 - There was a scary monster.  And strangers.  So Jakob burst into tears.  But no worries because we are now up to 4 pieces of candy.  We should be able to replenish our candy stock in no time.  Off to house #3.

House #3 - Wait?  Where is Alex?

Do you want to know why Alex was so cranky come trick-or-treat time?  He had to poop!  And Alex thought that now would be a good time to give it a whirl.  But the problem is Alex can't poop like the normal toddler.  Nope.  If Alex decides it is time to poop he has to assume the stance which looks very much like "down dog" yoga position (see below).

So there we are on the sidewalk hoovered around Alex as he gives pooping the good old college try.  We just smiled and nodded as the other ghosts and goblins (in their homemade costumes) ran by us.  I have no idea why we were getting the side eye from the other parents.  I wanted to be like, "Haven't you ever seen a kid poop?!?"  We even offered various words of encouragement to our little construction worker.  But no such luck.  It's hard to poop in public.  

House #4 - There was a leaf of the ground.  I'm not sure why this leaf was different from the 100,000 other leaves that were scattered on the ground.  I even picked it up to see if maybe it was made of money.  So anyhow why would you go get candy from a stranger when you can play with an amazing, not made of money, leaf?

House #5 - Our house.

What?  We hit our quota.  So in the end it took us approximately 63 minutes to get ready to trick-or-treat for 15 minutes and to get approximately 8 pieces of candy.

But I will let you in on a secret ... I loved every stinking second of it!

Happy Halloween!

Mary