The boys took a trip to the zoo this week. I had the following conversation with Alex later that night.
Me: "Did you see the baby lions at the zoo?"
Alex: "Yes."
Me: "How many baby lions did you see?"
Alex: "Four. And we saw the Daddy lion too." (it was actually the Mom that was with the babies)
Me: "Really?"
Alex: "Yep. Mommy not there today."
Me: "Oh. Where was the Mommy lion?"
Alex: "At work. She be home later to play with them."
I might be thinking too much into such a simple conversation. But this quick exchange made me so proud of my son on so many levels. (And I realize others could think different about the conversation). It demonstrates, to me, that Alex is fully aware that the majority of families have both a Mommy and a Daddy. We talk about this often. Both of boys already talk about being a Daddy some day. They also talk about getting married, mostly with the idea of being able to wear a wedding ring, but neither ever discusses marriage with context associated the sex of the individual they would like to marry. They are too young. Our exchange also demonstrated to me that Alex has the understanding that the male of the household can be the main caregiver for a family while the female of the household can be the breadwinner. I'm going to pretend that's what it all means and simply be proud of Alex for a few moments.
Mary
Friday, October 2, 2015
Friday, September 11, 2015
things get tricky
It's becoming more and more difficult to keep this blog updated. Our lives are busy. Yes. But I also struggle with what to share in a permanent space as the boys get older. They are one day going to be able to search for this blog. They will see what I have shared with the world. I'm okay with that. I want them to know their "story" as it is a great one. But it also gets ... tricky. Imagine going back as an adult and reading stories of your early childhood. That could be cause for a bit of an embarrassment. But on the other hand I love to go back and remember certain moments and more importantly to have important moments I know I will soon forget actually etched in a permanent location. And this blog forces me to do just that. So I feel like I am limbo. I will let you all in on a little secret though. I have been writing some blog entries that have not been published. Actually a lot of blog entries. I will publish them. They will be worth the wait. But just not at this moment. So I guess I don't want my readers to leave permanently. There will be more stories to tell in the future. But we just are not ready to tell those stories. I hope someday soon we can tell those stories. In the meantime ... I think this blog will remain silent for a bit. It's funny though because I often find myself coming to the blog to read stories of only a few years ago. These are the stories that make my heart happy. The stories that make our journey to the boys so very worth it. So I'm glad it exists.
So I will leave you with this .... a story of our .... THREENAGERs (I swear it's a real thing).
So I will leave you with this .... a story of our .... THREENAGERs (I swear it's a real thing).
Our house is in a permanent state of negotiation. All day. Every day. Yesterday, at 7am, Alex found himself in timeout. Again. My precious, adorable, angelic son looks up at me and goes "Mama. If you put me in timeout again I will slap your butt." Sigh. I'm doing a great job parenting! And also the phrase, "I say YES!" in response to an adamant "NO!" is popular this days. I think someone needs to reevaluate the term "Terrible Twos" because our 2-year old twins were equivalent to a trip to the beach and now with our 3-year old twins we are on a very long trip to the garbage dump!!! But we love them like crazy. It is a good thing they are cute.
So don't go too far. I will be back. But with new stories to share.
Mary
Thursday, August 6, 2015
Tuesday, July 21, 2015
a story about our wedding
** I have some immediate family members that read this blog. Please DO NOT discuss the below with the parties involved in this story. PLEASE and THANK YOU!! **
Kara and I had several discussions leading up to the Supreme Court decision in regards to where we were going to get married. We just assumed we would be married at the courthouse. Our only hesitation was our strong desire to have Jakob and Alex at our marriage ceremony. And that led to a subsequent huge hesitation to have the boys exposed to the potential chaos of the courthouse. We live in a large metropolitan area and the courthouse is overwhelming for even the most weathered of adults. I have an absolutely amazing relationship with my Aunt J and Uncle J. Both, despite getting a bit older, are extremely involved in Jakob and Alex's life. We are so grateful for all they do to love and support our family. They are advocates for us on a daily basis. My Uncle J has a tendency to FWD many e-mail messages to me. I will admit that I often delete these messages without a thought. I received one such e-mail message a few weeks prior to the Supreme Court decision. I deleted it. I went home for the day. The next day I got this extremely weird urge to go back and pull-up the deleted e-mail message. It was crazy. I cannot explain it. The e-mail message was a newsletter from the church my Uncle J attends in a small town to the near North of our home. It is a Unitarian Universalist Congregation. The church was advertising a Same Sex Wedding Day in hopeful anticipation that same sex marriage would become legal in our home state. The individualized ceremonies would take place on July 4th and they were open to any couple regardless of religious affiliation. It was PERFECT. It was a perfect little country church. Gorgeous. I sent a few e-mails back and forth with the pastor of the church and soon after Kara and I decided it would be a perfect match. We told no one of our plans. We did not tell our family. We also did not tell the pastor of the church the name of the family member who had passed the information onto us. We were keeping this marriage a secret. So fast forward to this evening as I was having a telephone conversation with my Aunt J ... I mentioned that we had set our plans prior to a ruling being made by the Supreme Court. There were a few weeks of "waiting" in between when we decided to participate in the marriage ceremony at the church and when same sex marriage actually became legal. My Uncle J was attending weekly services at the church. He struck up a small conversation with the pastor after the conclusion of the service. The pastor began to excitedly discuss the potential same sex marriage day and without knowing about the relationship that existed between myself and my Uncle J the pastor began to describe my family to my Uncle J. She then began to talk, without names, some of the ways in which I described Jakob and Alex in our email conversations. I was told that my Uncle J ... A quiet man. A stoic man. A war veteran. A lifetime drug and alcohol counselor. A religious man. A disciplined man. A man who can take a lot without it shaking him in the least bit. ... began to cry. The pastor, of course taken back, immediately asked my Uncle J what was troubling him. I guess it took a minute but my Uncle J managed to regain his composure and he replied "Are you talking about ...?" and the pastor responded with extreme confusion "Yes. How did you know that?" to which my amazing Uncle J replied, "You are talking about my niece. I had no idea she was planning to get married. I'm just so happy." .... Needless to say I struggled with my composure as my Aunt J relayed that story to me tonight. I struggle on many days with completely loving myself. I've come a LONG way but I am still a work in progress. It is difficult when so much of the world still continues to spill hate about the way God chose to make me. I am able to block a lot our but on some days a story will get to me. I struggle with finding a path back to organized religion when, while my relationship with God is such an important part of my life, I grew-up in a faith that continues to speak out against my "sinful" life. That makes it difficult to work on the self love part. And it's a life that no one, other than myself and God, actually knows with 100% truth. I struggle when I have a twin brother who thinks less of me as a person because of my sexuality. I am an adult. And I still struggle. I still fear for so many young people. So to hear this story. It makes me feel loved like no other. I am so grateful to my wonderful family and friends. And this is a story I want to remember forever.
Mary
Kara and I had several discussions leading up to the Supreme Court decision in regards to where we were going to get married. We just assumed we would be married at the courthouse. Our only hesitation was our strong desire to have Jakob and Alex at our marriage ceremony. And that led to a subsequent huge hesitation to have the boys exposed to the potential chaos of the courthouse. We live in a large metropolitan area and the courthouse is overwhelming for even the most weathered of adults. I have an absolutely amazing relationship with my Aunt J and Uncle J. Both, despite getting a bit older, are extremely involved in Jakob and Alex's life. We are so grateful for all they do to love and support our family. They are advocates for us on a daily basis. My Uncle J has a tendency to FWD many e-mail messages to me. I will admit that I often delete these messages without a thought. I received one such e-mail message a few weeks prior to the Supreme Court decision. I deleted it. I went home for the day. The next day I got this extremely weird urge to go back and pull-up the deleted e-mail message. It was crazy. I cannot explain it. The e-mail message was a newsletter from the church my Uncle J attends in a small town to the near North of our home. It is a Unitarian Universalist Congregation. The church was advertising a Same Sex Wedding Day in hopeful anticipation that same sex marriage would become legal in our home state. The individualized ceremonies would take place on July 4th and they were open to any couple regardless of religious affiliation. It was PERFECT. It was a perfect little country church. Gorgeous. I sent a few e-mails back and forth with the pastor of the church and soon after Kara and I decided it would be a perfect match. We told no one of our plans. We did not tell our family. We also did not tell the pastor of the church the name of the family member who had passed the information onto us. We were keeping this marriage a secret. So fast forward to this evening as I was having a telephone conversation with my Aunt J ... I mentioned that we had set our plans prior to a ruling being made by the Supreme Court. There were a few weeks of "waiting" in between when we decided to participate in the marriage ceremony at the church and when same sex marriage actually became legal. My Uncle J was attending weekly services at the church. He struck up a small conversation with the pastor after the conclusion of the service. The pastor began to excitedly discuss the potential same sex marriage day and without knowing about the relationship that existed between myself and my Uncle J the pastor began to describe my family to my Uncle J. She then began to talk, without names, some of the ways in which I described Jakob and Alex in our email conversations. I was told that my Uncle J ... A quiet man. A stoic man. A war veteran. A lifetime drug and alcohol counselor. A religious man. A disciplined man. A man who can take a lot without it shaking him in the least bit. ... began to cry. The pastor, of course taken back, immediately asked my Uncle J what was troubling him. I guess it took a minute but my Uncle J managed to regain his composure and he replied "Are you talking about ...?" and the pastor responded with extreme confusion "Yes. How did you know that?" to which my amazing Uncle J replied, "You are talking about my niece. I had no idea she was planning to get married. I'm just so happy." .... Needless to say I struggled with my composure as my Aunt J relayed that story to me tonight. I struggle on many days with completely loving myself. I've come a LONG way but I am still a work in progress. It is difficult when so much of the world still continues to spill hate about the way God chose to make me. I am able to block a lot our but on some days a story will get to me. I struggle with finding a path back to organized religion when, while my relationship with God is such an important part of my life, I grew-up in a faith that continues to speak out against my "sinful" life. That makes it difficult to work on the self love part. And it's a life that no one, other than myself and God, actually knows with 100% truth. I struggle when I have a twin brother who thinks less of me as a person because of my sexuality. I am an adult. And I still struggle. I still fear for so many young people. So to hear this story. It makes me feel loved like no other. I am so grateful to my wonderful family and friends. And this is a story I want to remember forever.
Mary
Monday, July 6, 2015
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