Sunday, June 30, 2013
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
what does it mean?
Today the Supreme Court ruled the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) to be unconstitutional in that marriage should not be defined as only between a man and a woman. And as such this qualifies legally married same sex couples to the federal benefits currently reserved only for heterosexual spouses.
So what does this mean for my family? I have no idea! There will be questions for many weeks to come in regards to those of us who still live in states that have constitutional bans against same sex marriage. Thank You Ohio. The question becomes whether the "state of celebration" matters or whether the "state of residence" matters. I believe that typically it is the "state of celebration" that matters and that would mean that a marriage would be valid if it is valid in the state where the marriage took place. But all bets are off now. We just have to be patient and wait some more for all the red tape to clear away.
But there are a few things I do know to be true. I got excited today. I sat at my desk and hit the refresh button on every news page I could find on the Internet. I imagined, if only for a moment, a world where I could refer to Kara not just as "my partner" but as "my wife". Yes. I do realize that Kara and I have had the opportunity, prior to today's ruling, to get married in a state that recognizes same sex marriage. But we decided early in our relationship that we would not get married until the state we choose to call "home" recognizes our marriage. But Kara and I also recognize the extreme importance of the many federal benefits provided to legally married couples. We recognize this even more now that Jakob and Alex are part of our family. And so the "marriage" discussion has changed a lot over the past 24 hours. We will wait to see what happens in the coming weeks. But if we come to find out that we can legally marry in another state and still receive the federal benefits we so desperately seek to protect our family in the state of Ohio then cue the wedding bells because this gal will be walking down the aisle ... (Please don't get excited. There will be no actual walking down the aisle as Kara and I hate any sort of public attention.) Can you imagine? Me? A married woman? Yikes!!!
Mary
So what does this mean for my family? I have no idea! There will be questions for many weeks to come in regards to those of us who still live in states that have constitutional bans against same sex marriage. Thank You Ohio. The question becomes whether the "state of celebration" matters or whether the "state of residence" matters. I believe that typically it is the "state of celebration" that matters and that would mean that a marriage would be valid if it is valid in the state where the marriage took place. But all bets are off now. We just have to be patient and wait some more for all the red tape to clear away.
But there are a few things I do know to be true. I got excited today. I sat at my desk and hit the refresh button on every news page I could find on the Internet. I imagined, if only for a moment, a world where I could refer to Kara not just as "my partner" but as "my wife". Yes. I do realize that Kara and I have had the opportunity, prior to today's ruling, to get married in a state that recognizes same sex marriage. But we decided early in our relationship that we would not get married until the state we choose to call "home" recognizes our marriage. But Kara and I also recognize the extreme importance of the many federal benefits provided to legally married couples. We recognize this even more now that Jakob and Alex are part of our family. And so the "marriage" discussion has changed a lot over the past 24 hours. We will wait to see what happens in the coming weeks. But if we come to find out that we can legally marry in another state and still receive the federal benefits we so desperately seek to protect our family in the state of Ohio then cue the wedding bells because this gal will be walking down the aisle ... (Please don't get excited. There will be no actual walking down the aisle as Kara and I hate any sort of public attention.) Can you imagine? Me? A married woman? Yikes!!!
Mary
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
13 months
The boys are 13 months old!
Jakob
Jakob is an official walker. It really only took a couple of weeks for Jakob to go from taking a few hesitant steps to walking unassisted all over the place. He is so proud of himself too. He spends so much time just walking from one wall to the other wall all the while laughing and giggling. It might be a new walker "thing" but Jakob always walks with his hands above his head. So it is extra cute. I love when he gets a bit off balance and starts heading in an unintended direction. He always laughs as if to say, "I meant to go here all along." Jakob is also the first of the boys to be displaying some toddler temper tantrums. Obviously the boys are being forced to learn to share toys from a very young age. Jakob is typically a very calm toddler. Alex is actually really bad about stealing Jakob's toys but 9 times out of 10 Jakob will just turn around and start playing with another toy. It doesn't bother Jakob. But there are rare moments when Jakob becomes the bully and then gets really, really mad when the situation does not go in his favor. He has perfected the kicking and screaming on the floor. But typically as long as Kara or I don't address the tantrum he realizes within seconds that we are ignoring the behavior and he typically moves onto something else. I think Jakob's favorite toy at the moment are the mega-blocks. He is starting to get really good at snapping the pieces together. But he also loves to take apart things we have built. He will take each piece off and put it back in the container. This could go on for 5 minutes. He will even go around the room to make certain all the pieces have been collected. And then he will walk over to the tub and proceed to dump them all out again. It's too cute. Jakob is really good at stacking objects too.
Alex
Alex is really good a cruising around any object. He has also taken a few hesitant baby steps but is not really walking without assistance at the moment. Alex has however perfected standing alone. This is actually not something that Jakob did before learning to walk. I really think that it will only be a matter of days before Alex starts to walk alone. He watches his brother each day and he evens has a few bumps on his head from trying to walk just like Jakob. He will figure it out soon. I think Alex's favorite toys at the moment are any of the walker toys and his "hammer" set from IKEA. Alex loves to take off across the room with his walker toys. And even better is when he gets to run something (or someone) over with the toy. This includes his brother Jakob. He also likes it when we put on of his stuffed animals on the toy so he can give them a ride too. We are looking in to getting the boys a little wagon to pull around. Alex also loves the "hammer" toy we got from IKEA. We just have to supervise this activity as often the hammer is used to whack Jakob on the head. Yes. We are fully aware that Alex has a bit of a violent side. Because of Alex's love for this toy we just got him a xylophone toy. I think he will love it.
Both boys are still not extremely vocal. They will both say Mama and Dada and babble with each other but in terms of mimicking what we say to them it has not really happened yet. I do swear that Alex was going "vroom" the other morning as he was pushing his cars around the playroom floor. But I have not heard it since that time. I'm also fairly certain I heard Jakob go "Meow" when Monroe came into the playroom the other day.
Both Jakob and Alex have finally figured out how to wave good-bye. They go over to the window every morning to wave good-bye. Have mentioned how hard it is to leave each day? They also like to go to the window and wave to whatever person, bird, squirrel or worm might be outside. They wave to everything. We have also taught Jakob how to clap. He gets so excited!
Food. We are really working hard on introducing new finger foods to the boys. It can be hit or miss. Some of the current favorites are waffles (Alex's favorite), eggs, pancakes, cheese, oatmeal, hamburger (Jakob's favorite), banana, hot dog, bread, granola bars, puffs, mum-mum's, cheerios, and graham crackers. They also get pureed prunes at each meal along with typically one puree. They still like to be spoon fed. And because we have a hard time getting enough vegetables in the boys without using one of the "squeeze pouch" foods we just continue to let them eat those a couple times a day. The boys still get 4 bottles each day but we have officially moved to sippy cups. I think we literally purchased 50 different sippy cups before we found a winner. I introduce to you the Nuk Learner Cup. The handle is removable so the boys can actually hold it like a bottle. And it is shaped just like a bottle. This is what our stubborn little men demanded in a sippy cup. But it still has a sippy cup end and the liquid comes out of the cup much slower than in a bottle. They boys get 16 oz of milk each day. Alex is still in the transition process but we have him up to 8 oz of milk and 8 oz of formula. We are also giving the boys sippy cups between meals with 3 oz water and 1 oz pear juice. The boys were not drinking enough liquids and Alex is constantly battling constipation so the pediatrician reassured us that 4 oz of juice per day is not going to do any permanent harm. And both boys refused to drink water. So they are getting some juice.
The boys still love to be outside. Kara and I both take them on a 3 mile walk each day and it is a highlight of our day. We love the exercise and the boys love to people (and car and animal) watch! We try to get them outside everyday because we really want to have outdoor children.
The boys are both in 12 month clothes for the most part. All 12 month shorts and pants are way too long on Alex so we have some reserve 6-9 month and 9 months shorts that we put him in on occasion. Otherwise because all we have are 12 month summer clothes Alex typically looks like he is wearing man capri's. My skinny little boy.
We are all just enjoying life at the moment. The boys keep us super busy and even on the most chaotic of days I can 100% without a doubt say that I have never been so happy in life.
Mary
Jakob
Jakob is an official walker. It really only took a couple of weeks for Jakob to go from taking a few hesitant steps to walking unassisted all over the place. He is so proud of himself too. He spends so much time just walking from one wall to the other wall all the while laughing and giggling. It might be a new walker "thing" but Jakob always walks with his hands above his head. So it is extra cute. I love when he gets a bit off balance and starts heading in an unintended direction. He always laughs as if to say, "I meant to go here all along." Jakob is also the first of the boys to be displaying some toddler temper tantrums. Obviously the boys are being forced to learn to share toys from a very young age. Jakob is typically a very calm toddler. Alex is actually really bad about stealing Jakob's toys but 9 times out of 10 Jakob will just turn around and start playing with another toy. It doesn't bother Jakob. But there are rare moments when Jakob becomes the bully and then gets really, really mad when the situation does not go in his favor. He has perfected the kicking and screaming on the floor. But typically as long as Kara or I don't address the tantrum he realizes within seconds that we are ignoring the behavior and he typically moves onto something else. I think Jakob's favorite toy at the moment are the mega-blocks. He is starting to get really good at snapping the pieces together. But he also loves to take apart things we have built. He will take each piece off and put it back in the container. This could go on for 5 minutes. He will even go around the room to make certain all the pieces have been collected. And then he will walk over to the tub and proceed to dump them all out again. It's too cute. Jakob is really good at stacking objects too.
Alex
Alex is really good a cruising around any object. He has also taken a few hesitant baby steps but is not really walking without assistance at the moment. Alex has however perfected standing alone. This is actually not something that Jakob did before learning to walk. I really think that it will only be a matter of days before Alex starts to walk alone. He watches his brother each day and he evens has a few bumps on his head from trying to walk just like Jakob. He will figure it out soon. I think Alex's favorite toys at the moment are any of the walker toys and his "hammer" set from IKEA. Alex loves to take off across the room with his walker toys. And even better is when he gets to run something (or someone) over with the toy. This includes his brother Jakob. He also likes it when we put on of his stuffed animals on the toy so he can give them a ride too. We are looking in to getting the boys a little wagon to pull around. Alex also loves the "hammer" toy we got from IKEA. We just have to supervise this activity as often the hammer is used to whack Jakob on the head. Yes. We are fully aware that Alex has a bit of a violent side. Because of Alex's love for this toy we just got him a xylophone toy. I think he will love it.
Both boys are still not extremely vocal. They will both say Mama and Dada and babble with each other but in terms of mimicking what we say to them it has not really happened yet. I do swear that Alex was going "vroom" the other morning as he was pushing his cars around the playroom floor. But I have not heard it since that time. I'm also fairly certain I heard Jakob go "Meow" when Monroe came into the playroom the other day.
Both Jakob and Alex have finally figured out how to wave good-bye. They go over to the window every morning to wave good-bye. Have mentioned how hard it is to leave each day? They also like to go to the window and wave to whatever person, bird, squirrel or worm might be outside. They wave to everything. We have also taught Jakob how to clap. He gets so excited!
Food. We are really working hard on introducing new finger foods to the boys. It can be hit or miss. Some of the current favorites are waffles (Alex's favorite), eggs, pancakes, cheese, oatmeal, hamburger (Jakob's favorite), banana, hot dog, bread, granola bars, puffs, mum-mum's, cheerios, and graham crackers. They also get pureed prunes at each meal along with typically one puree. They still like to be spoon fed. And because we have a hard time getting enough vegetables in the boys without using one of the "squeeze pouch" foods we just continue to let them eat those a couple times a day. The boys still get 4 bottles each day but we have officially moved to sippy cups. I think we literally purchased 50 different sippy cups before we found a winner. I introduce to you the Nuk Learner Cup. The handle is removable so the boys can actually hold it like a bottle. And it is shaped just like a bottle. This is what our stubborn little men demanded in a sippy cup. But it still has a sippy cup end and the liquid comes out of the cup much slower than in a bottle. They boys get 16 oz of milk each day. Alex is still in the transition process but we have him up to 8 oz of milk and 8 oz of formula. We are also giving the boys sippy cups between meals with 3 oz water and 1 oz pear juice. The boys were not drinking enough liquids and Alex is constantly battling constipation so the pediatrician reassured us that 4 oz of juice per day is not going to do any permanent harm. And both boys refused to drink water. So they are getting some juice.
The boys still love to be outside. Kara and I both take them on a 3 mile walk each day and it is a highlight of our day. We love the exercise and the boys love to people (and car and animal) watch! We try to get them outside everyday because we really want to have outdoor children.
The boys are both in 12 month clothes for the most part. All 12 month shorts and pants are way too long on Alex so we have some reserve 6-9 month and 9 months shorts that we put him in on occasion. Otherwise because all we have are 12 month summer clothes Alex typically looks like he is wearing man capri's. My skinny little boy.
We are all just enjoying life at the moment. The boys keep us super busy and even on the most chaotic of days I can 100% without a doubt say that I have never been so happy in life.
Mary
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
saying good-bye
We rather unexpectedly had to say good-bye to our cat Ohana last night. I won't get into too many details of his death because it his life that I want to remember at the moment. But unfortunately what we thought was a routine case of pancreatitis ended up being a form of cancer called lymphoma. There was nothing we could do.
I've been told on occasion that "We don't choose our pets. Our pets choose us." and I believe this to be true. Ohana (the name reference can be explained here) came into my life as a stray cat in April 2004. He showed up Easter weekend at my then girlfriend's apartment that was located "in the hood". There were these rickety old stairs that led up to the 2nd floor apartment and this scrawny little cat followed us up the scary stairs. Not only that but the cat was still waiting for us when we came out of the apartment about an hour later. I knew then that this cat was going home with me. Ohana would quickly become my support system in what was a very rocky time in my life. He was my family. I soon broke up with my long term girlfriend. I was very confused about life in general. And I was going through a very rough patch with my parent's. But Ohana made it right at the end of each day. It was just us. And we would spend each evening cuddled up on the couch. He was such a crazy cat during his youthful days. He would do some CRAZY stuff. Let's recount just a couple of these stories ...
(2) Ohana was also very smart. And as a cat who never missed a meal we eventually had to find a way to hide the cat food because my little boy had suddenly blossomed to about 20 lbs of pure love. I got the ingenious idea to put child locks on the cabinet doors. Those will stop him! So my Dad volunteered to come over and put the locks on the cabinet doors. And the entire time Ohana watched the action from the sidelines. You want to know why he was watching my Dad install the locks? Only so he could open them later. Yep. There was no challenge to big for Ohana. Not only did Ohana manage to figure out how to open the cabinet door by stretching his body up to the lock to push down on it but he also managed to get inside his food container. That was my boy!
We always have regrets. And of course I have regrets with Ohana. I made a decision to grow my family over and over again and I never gave the poor fellow a vote in the matter. And near the end of his life Ohana got pushed aside because there was only so much time in my life. And at times I was spread too thin. And for that I feel horrible. And I apologized to Ohana over and over again last night. But I wonder if it was enough? Did he know that I loved him? Ohana never complained. Of course he bitter a lot but only there were other animals around and simply because he was Mr. Grumpy Pants and he basically hated life in general. But otherwise all Ohana ever asked for on a daily basis was an occasional rub on the head and a frequent large bowl of food. He was a great cat.
So good-bye my little friend. I thank you for getting me through the roughest time of my life. I thank you for loving me unconditionally when I felt that I was not worthy of love. I thank you for the head-butts and for letting my snuggle up in the softness of your fur. You brought comfort to me so very often. I imagine you to be free now. I imagine you to be sitting in front of a ginormous window watching the birds go by. And now you are doing it in no pain. I hope you don't feel like we gave up on you. I will miss you. Go be free "biggie".
A picture of our last few moments together. He was a handsome boy even till the end.
Mary
I've been told on occasion that "We don't choose our pets. Our pets choose us." and I believe this to be true. Ohana (the name reference can be explained here) came into my life as a stray cat in April 2004. He showed up Easter weekend at my then girlfriend's apartment that was located "in the hood". There were these rickety old stairs that led up to the 2nd floor apartment and this scrawny little cat followed us up the scary stairs. Not only that but the cat was still waiting for us when we came out of the apartment about an hour later. I knew then that this cat was going home with me. Ohana would quickly become my support system in what was a very rocky time in my life. He was my family. I soon broke up with my long term girlfriend. I was very confused about life in general. And I was going through a very rough patch with my parent's. But Ohana made it right at the end of each day. It was just us. And we would spend each evening cuddled up on the couch. He was such a crazy cat during his youthful days. He would do some CRAZY stuff. Let's recount just a couple of these stories ...
(1) He killed my hamster. Yep. My then girlfriend gave me a pet hamster named Pi (only the name given by a math nerd). The hamster became Ohana's main focus in life. I came home from work one evening and the hamster cage had been knocked over. Hmm? Anyone know who could have knocked over the hamster cage? Well Pi was nowhere to be found. I could not find Pi no matter how hard I tried. He went missing for about a week. And then it happened ... I came home from work one evening and Ohana greeted me at the door in a very "I will stick my chest out while you rub my head because I'm such a good boy" mood. I gave Ohana his usual post work cuddles and then headed to the bedroom to change out of my work clothes. And there was the hamster in the middle of my now blood soaked comforter dead as a doorknob. I proceeded to scream like a girl and run out of the apartment to call my then girlfriend to come clean up the mess. Ohana was so proud of himself.
(2) Ohana was also very smart. And as a cat who never missed a meal we eventually had to find a way to hide the cat food because my little boy had suddenly blossomed to about 20 lbs of pure love. I got the ingenious idea to put child locks on the cabinet doors. Those will stop him! So my Dad volunteered to come over and put the locks on the cabinet doors. And the entire time Ohana watched the action from the sidelines. You want to know why he was watching my Dad install the locks? Only so he could open them later. Yep. There was no challenge to big for Ohana. Not only did Ohana manage to figure out how to open the cabinet door by stretching his body up to the lock to push down on it but he also managed to get inside his food container. That was my boy!
We always have regrets. And of course I have regrets with Ohana. I made a decision to grow my family over and over again and I never gave the poor fellow a vote in the matter. And near the end of his life Ohana got pushed aside because there was only so much time in my life. And at times I was spread too thin. And for that I feel horrible. And I apologized to Ohana over and over again last night. But I wonder if it was enough? Did he know that I loved him? Ohana never complained. Of course he bitter a lot but only there were other animals around and simply because he was Mr. Grumpy Pants and he basically hated life in general. But otherwise all Ohana ever asked for on a daily basis was an occasional rub on the head and a frequent large bowl of food. He was a great cat.
So good-bye my little friend. I thank you for getting me through the roughest time of my life. I thank you for loving me unconditionally when I felt that I was not worthy of love. I thank you for the head-butts and for letting my snuggle up in the softness of your fur. You brought comfort to me so very often. I imagine you to be free now. I imagine you to be sitting in front of a ginormous window watching the birds go by. And now you are doing it in no pain. I hope you don't feel like we gave up on you. I will miss you. Go be free "biggie".
A picture of our last few moments together. He was a handsome boy even till the end.
Mary
Monday, June 10, 2013
the birthday party
I thought I should share some pictures from the 1st Birthday Party before Jakob and Alex are graduating from college. It was a very special day. All photo credits go to Nicole Smith at nsmith Photography.
Mary
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