i'm really starting to hate the color white

No such luck.  Again.

It is hard to not feel like a total failure with each unsuccessful cycle.  There were no tears this time.  I consider that to be an improvement on my end.  My problem this time around has been the hundreds of questions that are swirling around in my head.  I ask myself the same questions over and over again knowing full well that I don't have any answers at the moment.  There could be a bigger issue at hand or we could simply just be having a bad luck streak. 

All I know is my emotional state at the moment is poor at best.  It has been especially difficult to be at work.  I work in a somewhat small office.  It is rare to have a pregnant lady in the office.  Well ... pregnant ladies have been popping up all over the place.  That sucks.  One of the pregnant ladies is my closest friend in the entire world.  I have zero problems with her pregnancy because she went through hell and back to get those babies.  I am extremely happy for her and I cannot wait to meet the little ones.  Plus I never hear a complaint come out of her mouth.  She is just thrilled to have some babies in her belly.  The people that complain though.  That bothers me.  A lot.  I would trade places with you in an instant.  It also bothers me when people announce their pregnancy to the entire world and the pee stick is not even dry yet.  Really?  How about you call your husband / partner before you make an announcement to the world?  And please stop taking pregnancy tests in the bathroom at work.  I mean ... really??  We are better then this people!! 

I'm also not looking forward to work on Thursday.  It is our "Community Days".  We put work aside for one day a year and spend the day participating in some sort of community service project.  This year we will be putting together care packages for soldiers actively serving our country.  It is also the one day a year that my fellow coworkers are allowed to bring their kids to work for the day.  It is a wonderful day and the kids really get a lot out of participating in the service event.  I think it is great that we are exposing the kids to service at a young age.  However, it will be difficult to be around a ton of kids all day long.  And I know that I will get the inevitable, "Are you and Kara planning on having any kids?" at least a handful of times during the day.  That is always my favorite question. 

So needless to say I am a bit of a "debbie-downer" at the moment.  I promise to put on my big girl panties and move forward.  I'm really not sure what forward means at the moment though.  I know that I need to get myself in a better mindset.  Perhaps that means it is time to take a bit of a break. 

Mary