lots of thoughts

Before I begin I thought I would share a super cute picture of Alex that we took today while patiently waiting at the pediatrician office.

I believe we have turned a corner!

We really struggled with Jakob the last few weeks.  I was really at my breaking point with my ability to comfort Jakob as he withered in pain each and every night.  My emotional well-being was poor at best.  Kara and I made a decision to stop fortifying my breast milk with the Neosure formula.  And only 48 hours later Jakob was an entirely new baby!!  Jakob has displayed zero symptoms of digestive issues since the formula has gotten out of his system.  We had a pediatrician appointment today and the pediatrician had no problem with us moving the boys entirely to breast milk.  The pediatrician did indicate that the digestive issues could reappear because there is often a honeymoon period whenever an infant is switched to new feeding options.  I am hoping with every ounce of my being that Jakob remains comfortable on the breast milk.  Now ... we know that it is impossible for me to keep up with the demands of exclusively breastfeeding the boys.  So we will have to find a formula that Jakob can tolerate.  The pediatrician suggested that we start the boys on Similac Advance.  This will give us a basis with which to judge the cause of Jakob's digestive issues.  I have also considered the option of making certain (when supply gets tight) that Jakob receives the breast milk and Alex is supplemented with formula.  My only reason for doing this would be the fact that Alex has had zero issues with digesting formula.  In an ideal world both boys would always receive breast milk but I don't think that is a possibility as the boys start taking more breast milk at each feeding.  We also have started both boys on Gripe Water (3x a day) and Probiotics (1x a day).  Both are "natural" supplements and cannot hurt as the boys digestive systems continue to develop.  We hope to eventually take Jakob off of the Zantac too.  We have not increased his dosage at this time.  If his digestive issues continue to worsen then we will know that the Zantac dosage needs to be increased.  If his digestive issues continue to get better then we will know that the Zantac can be eliminated.  Please say a little prayer that both boys continue to do good on the breast milk.

The boys had a pediatrician appointment today.  Jakob is up to 6 lbs 13 ozs and is 20" long.  Alex weighs 6 lbs 7 ozs and is 19 1/2" long.  Where did my little boys go??

We got permission to start feeding the boys "on demand" today.  Woohoo!!!  We are hoping that we can start to get the boys to sleep longer at night.  It will also eliminate the need to wake the boys for a feeding should they be sleeping soundly when it gets to be feeding time.  I would love to get the boys to sleep for a four hour (or even a five hour) stretch at night.  The boys are taking about 2.5 ounces of breast milk at each feeding.  We have also made some strides in sleeping at night.  We are finally all sleeping in the bedroom.  I do not miss the couch!  The boys are sleeping in the Rock N Plays in the bedroom.  I have Jakob on my side and Kara has Alex on her side.  Both boys are doing so much better with self-soothing and as a result we spend very little time cuddling them at night.  I can comfortably fall asleep with an awake baby in the Rock N Play next to me knowing that he will eventually fall asleep on his own.

Now time for the bad news.  I return to work on June 25th.  I have had to come to terms with so many "losses" during my pregnancy and my lack of a maternity leave is one additional "loss".  I originally planned to take 12 weeks off of work after the boys were born.  But then I experienced preterm labor and as a result I was pulled from work and placed on bedrest.  I am blessed to be able to receive short term disability through my employer.  However, as soon as I went on short term disability my 12 weeks of available FMLA also started to deplete.  The boys were born six weeks early.  I had a vaginal birth.  This only grants me six weeks of maternity leave unless I want to use the remainder of my FMLA.  But my FMLA ran out because of the bedrest.  The boys spent eight days and twelve days in the NICU.  As a result I only got about 4 weeks at home with the boys.  Have I mentioned we have not even reached their due date?  I will be back to work only four days after the boys due date.  I think our country is backwards in terms of offering mothers maternity leave.  Crazy!!!  We are extremely blessed that the boys will not have to go to daycare.  But it still stings.  So to ease back into work I have decided to work part time for the next three weeks.  I will work from 7am - Noon until mid-July.  I think this will help.  Though I am still preparing for some tears next week ...

Oh ... And did I mention I am already talking to Kara about the possibility of another kid down the road??  I think she wants to slap me!  She actually ignores me anytime I bring it up.  I have four or five years to change her mind!

Mary