still here. still pregnant. i hope.

I am 5 weeks pregnant today.  I hope.

I took another HPT this morning just for some reassurance.   It was positive.  Not that the HPT actually tells me if my pregnancy is progressing in the right direction but it at least tells me that I still have hcg in my system.  I will take what I can get.

The thing is ... I don't feel pregnant.  Should I feel pregnant?  I don't really have any symptoms at the moment.  My boobs are a bit sore.  Which I guess is a symptom because my boobs never hurt at all.  I'm not one of those women who gets sore boobs before my period is to start.  I still have a lot of pimples on my face.  My sleep pattern sucks at the moment.  I cannot seem to stay awake past 8pm each night but then I am wide-awake at 2am.  And then it is pointless to fall back to sleep because my alarm will go off at 4am.  All of these symptoms (minus the boobs) could simply be from stress.  I also find that I cannot eat a lot of food at any one time.  I get super bloated.  It just feels like there is no room for food.  Otherwise.  I feel completely normal.  So not reassuring.

I am scheduled for my first u/s in the next couple of weeks.  I am being vague with the date of the appointment on purpose.  I got a call from the nurse at the REs office to schedule the u/s and again I felt as if I was having an out of body experience.

Me: "Hello"
Nurse: "Hey Mary.  It's L.  I got a note from V to call and schedule you for your first OB appointment."
Me: (Is she talking to me?  An OB appointment?  Huh?  You only have an OB appointment when you are pregnant.): "Um .... Yes."
Nurse: "That is so exciting."
Me: "It is.  It's a bit surreal.  I just hope everything continues to go in the right direction."
Nurse: "Have you seen your numbers?"
Me (I really wish people would stop saying that!): "The numbers help.  But I'm still terrified."

I also had a dentist appointment yesterday that was scheduled long before I became pregnant.  Obviously.  Do you know how weird it is to tell strangers that you are pregnant?  Especially when you don't look pregnant.  It is especially weird when they think you are single.  The conversation went as follows ...

dental hygienist: "Any new health concerns?"
me: "Um.  Yes.  This is actually weird to say because the pee stick isn't even dry yet ... but I am pregnant."
dental hygienist: "Seriously? Oh my do we have a lot to talk about. I guess we won't be doing any x-rays today."
me (great she thinks I got drunk one night and got knocked up): "Yeah.  I am nervous though because we had a miscarriage earlier this summer."
dental hygienist: "So this pregnancy was planned?"
me: "Yep.  It was definitely planned."
dental hygienist: "I didn't even know you were dating anyone."
me (deep breath): "I have been with my girlfriend for about 6 years."
dental hygienist: "Oh.  So this was definitely planned."
me: "Yeah.  It kind of has to be planned."
dental hygienist: "So do you know the daddy?"
me (and so it starts): "There is no dad.  Just a momma and a mommy.  But if you are asking about the donor.  No. We do not know him."
dental hygienist: "That's so exciting."

I am sure I will have many more stories to tell.  Okay.  I better actually go do some work.

Please stick little one.

Mary