I cannot even begin to describe the anxiety I have been feeling over the past few days. I am no longer a contributing member of society. I find myself sitting at my desk just blankly starring at my computer screen. I find myself calculating the number of hours I have until the u/s. I find myself alternating between thoughts of a perfect appointment and thoughts of a horrible appointment. I keep reminding myself that I am strong and Kara and I can get through anything. I keep hoping with every ounce of strength I have that we actually have a little one growing and thriving inside me. But I also am panicked stricken that we will be looking at an empty u/s screen. I just want to get to this appointment. I just want it to be over. I just want to know. I need a plan of action. And right now I can't develop a plan of action if I don't know what is going on. And even if we do get good news it doesn't mean that bad news won't follow on a later date. At some point I am going to need to let go of all this negativity. I just don't think it is going to be anytime soon.
Symptoms (5w5d): So I guess I do have some symptoms. But I feel like they should be getting more intense. The pimples are out of control. Enough said on that subject. My boobs still hurt. But I almost feel as if they don't hurt as much as they did a few days ago. I am tired. All the time. But I have a hard time sleeping. I find myself eating all the time. If I don't eat every couple of hours in the morning I find myself with a "weird" feeling in my stomach. I would definitely not call it morning sickness though. I almost wonder if it is nerves. Otherwise ... I do not feel pregnant. I really wish I felt pregnant.
The next time I write will be after our u/s appointment.
Please stick little one.
Mary
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