miscarriage

The good news.  I can make the assumption that I did not have an ectopic pregnancy.  The bad news.  I had to find that out yesterday afternoon.

I have had some bleeding since this past Monday (August 8).  The bleeding was not significant by any means and could be equated to a light period.  I knew to expect some bleeding as my hcg levels began to decrease.  I also did not have any noticeable cramping.  I noticed on Thursday (August 11) that the bleeding picked up a bit and in the evening I started to have some minor cramping.  I took a couple of Advil before I went to bed and the cramping subsided in the morning.  I went to work as normal.  I stopped at the REs office in the morning to get additional b/w done.  I noticed that the cramping and bleeding intensified about 10am.  But it was still not enough to cause me any problems.  I took a couple of Advil and continued to work.  I went to lunch around 11:30am.  It was when I got home at lunch that the cramps began to pick-up in intensity.  I took a few more Advil and ate some lunch hoping that the drugs would kick in and allow me to get through the afternoon at work.  Kara and I share a car.  Our office buildings our located next door to one another so it works out really well.  And it saves us a ton of money.  Kara was due to get out of work at 2pm so we decided to switch the car out after I was done with lunch as I had to work until 4:30pm.  It was when I went to give Kara the car that the intensity of the cramps got really bad.  As soon as Kara got in the car she made a comment that I did not look too good.  I told her it was just some cramps and I was just waiting for the drugs to kick in.  I returned to work and realized almost immediately that things were not getting better.  Instead they were getting worse.  I tried to sit at my desk but I could not get comfortable.  So I decided to get up and go to a back room and try to walk around a bit.  I sent Kara a few text messages and indicated that the cramps were really bad and I wanted her to pick me up when she got out of work at 2pm.  It was only 1pm at the time.  I thought I would have no problem making it for another hour.  I decided to return to my desk.  I ran into a coworker on the way back to my desk and she immediately made a comment that I did not look good.  She said that I had no color in my face.  She is aware of the situation (only two people at work know what I am going through) and she immediately became concerned.  I told her that I was just experiencing some cramping and that I was going to go home when Kara got off of work at 2pm.  She mentioned that she would be willing to give me a ride home now should I need it.  I told her it wouldn't be necessary and I went back to my desk.  I was really hesitant to leave work because I have missed several hours over the past few weeks for appointments.  I did not want to leave work for no reason.  I went back to my desk but I quickly realized that things were going from bad to worse as the minutes ticked by.  I sent an instant message to my coworker and asked her to take me home.  The pain was super intense and at this point I was sweating quite a bit.  My coworker was at my desk immediately and she helped me to get my things put away.  Things start to get a bit fuzzy at this point.  I realize now that I don't really even remember driving home.  I don't think I realized at the time how much pain I was in.  I know I kept thinking how grateful I was that it was the weekend.  I also kept worrying about how long this cramping would last as I didn't know how I would get through multiple days of it.  You have to remember at this point I was still making the assumption that I had an ectopic pregnancy and that the bleeding I was having was simply a result of dropping hormone levels.  I did not realize what was to come.  I got home and went upstairs to let the dogs out of their crates and to change into some comfy clothes.  I then crawled into bed and tried to get comfortable.  I was only in bed for about 10 minutes when I thought that perhaps I should use the restroom.  It was at this point that I miscarried this pregnancy.  I was in total shock.  I had taken my phone with me to the bathroom and I immediately started sending Kara cryptic text messages.  I am sure I freaked her out.  The pain subsided as soon as I passed the pregnancy tissue.  I will leave out the details but I am 100% certain that it was pregnancy tissue.  I had some clotting after the fact but that only lasted a couple of minutes.  I have had very little bleeding and no cramping since that point.  It was over in a matter of minutes.  I truly did not know what to feel at that moment.  I cried a bit.  I was curious.  I was relieved.  I was happy.  I was sad.  I was angry.  I even laughed a bit.  It took me a while to get the courage to flush the toilet.  But then I did.  And it was over.

I received a call from the REs office about thirty minutes later with the results of my b/w.  My hcg level is now 117.  The nurse indicated that the number is dropping at the normal rate.  I will go back for additional b/w next week at 22dpMTX.  The number should be even lower at this point.  I have read that it can take anywhere between 2 weeks and 4 weeks for your hcg level to get to zero after a miscarriage.  I do not believe that it will take that long for my number to get to zero as it was already decreasing before the miscarriage.

I cannot imagine the emotions a woman would experience if a miscarriage was unexpected.  I was blessed in the fact that I knew there was a possibility that I would experience a miscarriage over the last few weeks.  I do not know how I would have survived yesterday afternoon had I not known that I was going to lose this pregnancy.  My prayers are with any woman who has ever had to experience an unexpected miscarriage.

Mary