everything's coming up roses ... or not

I received an e-mail from my brother on Sunday morning.  It was a completely innocent e-mail.  The e-mail included some pictures of the child of some friends of my brother.  His name is Jackson.  He is three.  And he has a head full of curly blond hair.  My brother is fortunate to work for the Bo.ston Re.d S.ox.  He had invited Jackson to watch his first baseball game at Fen.way Park.  There was one picture in the group that gave me an emotional reaction like no other that I have felt over the past few weeks.  It was enough to start the tears.  And those of you who know me understand how much it takes to get me to cry.  Here is the picture ...

I cannot even put into words what I feel like when I see this picture.  I won't even try to on these pages.  But essentially it felt as if someone took my heart out of my chest and stomped on it over and over again.  And unless you have been in a similar situation there would be no way to understand those emotions.  I showed the picture to my close friend without any explanation as to how the picture had been a trigger to me.  She has also been in a similar situation and she immediately stated, "Well that had to hurt."  See.  She understands.  And now, just like a car wreck, I keep going back and looking at this picture.  I should probably just delete it.  Oops.  It's now on my blog so that's not going to happen.  And it gets even better ... Jackson has two mommies.  Yep. Stomp, stomp, stomp.

And remember when I mentioned that I was not having too many side effects from this whole experience.  I now have the yeast infection from hell.  I will just leave it at that.  You know I have to document everything!

I have also decided to give acupuncture a try.  Acupuncture can help by addressing problems that affect fertility.  But I think even more important, in my situation, acupuncture might be a way to help reduce my stress and anxiety.  I think at this point in the process my stress and anxiety are at an all time high.  I also just feel generally unhealthy at the moment.  And that is not a good thing.  Plus I think acupuncture will help me during the waiting process to try again.  It gives me something to focus on.  So I have my first appointment tomorrow.  I will be sure to document the experience.

Mary