15w2d

How Far Along: 15w2d

Milestones: The average fetus at 15 weeks weighs 2.5 ounces and measures 4 inches.  His proportions are becoming even more normal since his legs are longer than his arms.  You probably can't feel it yet, but he's squirming a ton!  He might even be hiccuping in there.  He's making lots of progress.  His joints and limbs can all move now.

Total Weight Gain:  I am up a total of 4.2lbs as of my official weekly weigh-in.  So not a whole lot of weight gain this week.  But I have definitely grown some in the belly this week.

Maternity Clothes:  Nope.  However, I can no longer button my jeans and I have resorted to using a hair tie to keep them closed.  It is so much more comfortable.

Here is the belly shot for this week ...

See ... I have definitely expanded in the belly region.

Sleep:  Urghh!  Not the best sleep this week.  I can no longer sleep on my belly.  And I have had to add a few extra pillows in bed.  I sleep with a pillow under my belly and a pillow between my legs.  This seems to help a bit.  I just wake-up a lot during the night.  I am also getting really hot when I sleep so I think I wake-up because I am sweating.  And then I will throw the comforter off and wake-up 30 minutes later because I am cold.

Best Moment of the Week:  We found out we are having two little boys!!

Sex: Boys!!

Food Cravings:  I am addicted to veggie subs from Subway!  I could seriously eat one at every meal.

Food Aversions:  Nope.

Symptoms:  I guess all it took was mentioning the headaches at my OB appointment and getting a prescription for some medication in order for my headaches to go away.  I have been headache free for a few days!  Please stay away.  It is nice to have the medication on hand though should the headaches appear again.

I am officially feeling pulling and tugging these days.  I also have occasional cramping.  I think the cramping comes if I am dehydrated.  I am really trying my best to drink as much water as I can during the day.  I am drinking a minimum of 67 ounces a day.  This does not include the glass of juice I have with breakfast in the morning.  Most days I manage to get about 84 ounces though.  The pulling is the worst when I go from a sitting position to a standing position.  I seriously do a double take of the ground because I feel like my bladder is going to fall out.  I have been reassured that all of this is normal because of all the growing the little ones are doing.  It is weird because I can now clearly feel the outline of my uterus.  It goes up to my belly button at the moment.  Crazy.

Upcoming Events:  We have an OB appointment on January 10th and we have a MFM appointment on January 24th.  We will also probably schedule an elective u/s in between those dates too.

Please keep growing little ones.

Mary

"stop kicking your brother"

I feel like I have so much to write about!

We had an OB appointment on December 28th.  Can I mention again how much I absolutely love this office?  I really did not think we would be able to find an OBs office that would compare to the REs office but I feel like we have hit the jackpot.  I will definitely be continuing my care with this OBs office after these babies are born. Our appointment was at 2:30pm and Kara and I were back in the car by 3:10pm!  Amazing!  The first part of the appointment was an u/s to check the length of my cervix.  This is really important in a multiple pregnancy because the chance of preterm labor is so much greater than in a singleton pregnancy.  Of course this u/s required me to take my pants off ... I've missed the wand! (not really)  My cervix looked great!  The u/s tech even pushed on my belly a number of times to see if my cervix would shorten with the added pressure and thankfully it did not shorten in the least bit.  Our wonderful u/s tech ended the u/s with the words, "Well I know you aren't scheduled for an abdominal u/s today but I really want to get a look at your babies so we will do one anyway." ... Love!!!  So we moved onto an abdominal u/s to get another peak at Baby A and Baby B.  Both babies were moving all around!  Baby A had a heartbeat of 158 bpm and Baby B had a heartbeat of 152 bpm.  And the best news ... we found out the sex of each baby!!  So without further ado I present to you ...

Baby A (our little boy)

Baby B (our little boy)

Baby B was doing a "Jersey Shore Fist Pump" in this picture!

Can you believe it?  Two boys!!!  We are beyond thrilled!  Of course there is some room for error but we got some fairly decent "money" shots.  We should be able to get final confirmation of the sexes over the next few weeks.  It is wonderful to finally be able to refer to each baby by name.  But don't get too excited as the names will remain a secret until the babies are born.  So to everyone else in the world Baby A is Apple and Baby B is Orange (Thanks Matt!).  At one point in the u/s you could see Baby A kicking Baby B and the u/s tech replied, "Hey! Stop kicking your brother!"  The u/s tech asked me if I was feeling any movement.  I have not.  She then mentioned that each baby had an anterior placenta.  That means the placenta has formed facing closest to my belly.  So it will probably be some time before I feel any movement because the placenta is acting as an extra cushion.  The u/s tech indicated that she had an anterior placenta too and she first felt movement about 22 weeks.  This is a bit of a bummer but as long as the kiddos are healthy I will learn to deal with it!

We met with the OB after our u/s to do my annual exam (we will leave the details of this out).  Fun!  This meant I got dressed after the u/s.  Then moved to another exam room and got undressed once again.  Did I mention it was 500 degrees in the office?  I was sweating!  I have gained about four lbs since my last OB appointment four weeks ago.  The OB seemed pleased with the weight gain.  My blood pressure was a bit high at 130/70 but considering the stress of the moment and the fact I was moving around so much I'm not too concerned.  I did mention the headaches to my OB and she was a bit concerned about the fact that the headaches did not seem to ever completely disappear.  She gave me a prescription for some pain medicine (simply an increased dosage of Tylenol) and told me to take it if the headaches got unmanageable.  The good news is the headaches have somewhat decreased over the last few days.  This goes for the nausea too.  However, I'm glad to just have something on hand should the headache get unbearable.  Otherwise the OB was pleased with how things were progressing.

We then moved to the OBs office for the remainder of the appointment.  I appreciated the fact that I did not have to sit and discuss our future plan of action while sitting naked in a paper gown!  It is much easier to talk to the OB with clothes on!  I asked for more details on the results of our 1st Trimester genetic screening.  The risks for each baby in terms of Trisomy 21 (Down Syndrome) and Trisomy 18 is less than 1 in greater than 10,000.  So super low!  So we will have another OB appointment on January 10th to complete our 2nd Trimester genetic screening.  This is only comprised of b/w that will test multiple markers to indicate any risk for certain genetic conditions or birth defects.  The OB also mentioned we would do the normal blood pressure check / urinalysis / weight check as well as get a listen to the heartbeats.  I'm not sure if that will be done via u/s or via fetal doppler.  Either way ... as long as I get to hear the heartbeats!  We will then schedule an appointment for about two weeks later with MFM to get our level 2 u/s completed.  This is the big u/s that usually takes place around 20 weeks.

So that is all for the moment!

Please keep growing little ones.

Mary

14w1d

How Far Along: 14w1d

Milestones: Your baby's the size of a lemon. Your baby is 3.4 inches and 1.5 ounces.  He has almost doubled in weight since last week and keeps on growing.  He is probably sucking his thumb and wiggling his toes.  His kidneys are making urine and his liver and spleens are doing their jobs too.  He is growing lanugo, a thin peach-fuzz-like hair all over his body.  It will help keep him warm!

Total Weight Gain:  I think the weigh-in last week was a fluke!  I am up a total of 4lbs.  The belly definitely grew this week so this weight gain does not surprise me.  A good moment this week came when Kara was taking my weekly belly shot yesterday.  I lifted up my sweatshirt and she said, "Holy S*%#!  You really are pregnant!"  I'm starting to feel more and more like my belly includes some baby instead of just lunch and dinner.  But I'm stuck in the in-between stage at the moment where I could easily just pass for a fat lady!

Maternity Clothes:  I am still in my regular clothes but I might be moving to the bella band soon.  It will at least help smooth out my belly to make me look more pregnant and less fat.  I do have a good start on maternity clothes though for the morning I wake-up and nothing fits me!

Here is the belly shot for this week ...

Sleep:  I am sleeping just fine.  I still sleep a lot.  I am definitely sleeping on my back most of the time.  I read some pregnancy books that tell me this is a no-no but there is nothing I can do about it.  I fall asleep on my side and then I always wake-up on my back.  I'm not worried about it.  Eventually my back will be uncomfortable and I will probably wake-up still on my side.

Best Moment of the Week:  We got the results of our 1st trimester screening and "the numbers for both babies are in normal range".  Yippee!!  That is a relief.  Go Babies!!  I will ask my OB for more details at my next appointment because the report was faxed to the OBs office.  I am a numbers person (duh!) so I would actually like to know the numbers.  The nurse from the MFM office would not give them to me though.  I was told to direct questions to my OB.

I am officially in the 2nd trimester!! (insert dance moves here)   This is a huge milestone!

Movement:  I cannot wait to feel them move!  Nothing yet.  It will probably be a few more weeks.

Sex:  It is getting closer!  I think we will ask the u/s tech at our appointment this week for a guess.  But we will keep the guess quiet because it is still a bit early.  However, I think Kara and I have decided to get an elective u/s done at around 16 weeks or 17 weeks to determine the sex.  It will cost a bit but would get an actual video of the u/s which we would not get through our OBs office.  And of course more u/s pictures.  Plus we can invite other people to this u/s appointment so we were thinking of asking my mom to tag along.  This way she would be able to see the babies on u/s at least once during this pregnancy.  And she would be there for the big sex reveal!!  We would love for Kara's mom to be able to come too but logistically we know that is not a reality.  So we will see what our OB appointment brings this week but I definitely think we will be scheduling an elective u/s in the near future.  Plus you know I like getting sneak peeks at the babies!!  (Oh!  And if you are reading this mom ... surprise!  Will you come with us?)

Food Cravings:  No real cravings.  I just eat.  And eat.  And eat.  My mom made us a bunch of yummy food this week ... beef stew and chicken noodles ... which I have enjoyed devouring each night.  My friend mentioned fried chicken and mashed potatoes at work the other day and I almost tackled her in mid-sentence.  That was a bit embarrassing.  I think I have done a better job this week eating healthy.  But  I do allow myself sweet treats during the day.  I am sure I will be horrible this weekend because it is the holiday!

Food Aversions:  Nope

Symptoms:  HEADACHES!!  Yep.  These are starting to get on my nerves.  It is essentially a continuous headache at the moment.  The severity of it ebbs and flows during the day but it is always hanging around.  I am going to mention it to my OB at my appointment this week.  I have been taking Tylenol but I still take it very sparingly so it is probably not doing much of anything to actually help my headaches.  I am also still burping non-stop and I still get nausea at night.  I actually get it at 7pm on the dot!  So weird.  It might have something to do with slower digestion.  Who knows?

Upcoming Events:  We have our OB appointment on December 28th.  I hope we get an u/s!!

And Kara and I are excited to celebrate Christmas this weekend.  It will be memorable one for sure.

Please keep growing little ones.

Mary

13w2d

How Far Along: 13w2d

Milestones: Fingerprints have formed on your baby's tiny fingers, her veins and organs are clearly visible through her still-thin skin, and her body is starting to catch up with her head - which makes up just a third of her body size now.  If you're having a girl, she now has more than 2 million eggs in her ovaries.  Your baby is almost 3 inches long (the size of a medium shrimp) and weighs nearly an ounce.

Total Weight Gain:  I am officially up a total of 0.8 lbs this morning.  Huh?  So that means I have lost a bit of weight this week.  These little ones are taking everything I am putting in my body because I am eating a ton!  Let's review yesterday's "healthy" eating ...

2 pieces of cinnamon raisin bread with butter
2 glasses of orange juice
an orange
a glazed doughnut (I was forced to eat the doughnut. I swear.)
a hot pocket (I never even liked hot pockets before I got pregnant now I am eating them all the time.  Huh?)
potato chips
a few sips of Pepsi (I know.  I am horrible mother.)
5 hershey kisses
a half a burrito bowl from Chipotle (with sour cream I might add)
a half a bag of tortilla chips from Chipotle with guacamole

That is a sorry excuse for healthy eating if I ever saw one!  Please don't show that list to my OB.  Yet the scale says I have only gained a total of 0.8 lbs since I got pregnant.  I promise I do eat healthier most other days.  Yesterday was a bad day.  

Maternity Clothes: I am still in my regular clothes with no indication that I am outgrowing them at the at the moment.

Here is the new belly picture for this week ...

Sleep:  I am still sleeping a lot.  But I have noticed a significant decrease in the number of times I wake-up in the middle of the night to pee.  I have read this decreases in the 2nd trimester.  I am now officially a back sleeper.  I still fall asleep on my side / belly but I always wake-up on my back.  It is definitely getting a bit uncomfortable to sleep on my belly.  What happens when I can't sleep on my back?  How am I going to wake-up?  I guess I will be too big to roll over anyhow so I imagine I would just stay on my side.

Best Moment of the Week:  We had a lot of wonderful moments this week.

Obviously the greatest moment this week was seeing our little ones at the MFM appointment.

We also announced our pregnancy to the world this week.  Yikes!  I made the announcement at work on Thursday (December 15th).   I actually had my really good friend spill the beans because I absolutely did not want to do it.  So this is how it went down ...

My really good friend (let's call her A) recently gave birth to twin girls and also recently found out that another mutual acquaintance of ours (let's call her X) is pregnant with twins.  So A went to spill the beans about X to her boss (let's call the boss M).  I could hear this conversation from my cubicle.

A: Guess What?  X is pregnant with twins!
M: (squeal) Seriously?  That is so exciting.  
A: I know.  It's been a twin explosion.  I just had twins.  Mary is pregnant with twins.  And now X is pregnant with twins.
M:  What?  Mary is pregnant with twins?
A: Yes.
M: (squeal)

It then took about five seconds for me to be tackled at my desk.  And of course the commotion caused everyone else to come running.  I survived!  The painful part only lasted about 20 minutes and most of the responses were extremely positive.  There were a few people who completely ignored me the remainder of the day but for they most part those people did not surprise me.  I am curious though as to how these coworkers expect to not ever make eye contact with me for the next six months.  Haha!

 I did get a really funny e-mail from a co-worker later in the day.  I copied a part of the e-mail below ...

"I had to share this conversation with you.  I was just talking to a co-worker (who will remain unnamed to minimize any further embarrassment) and I mentioned that I was amazed at how well you had been handling the stress at work without giving any indication to us that you were trying to get pregnant or that you were pregnant.  Our co-worker responded with, "How do you know she was even trying to get pregnant?"  ... insert awkward silence.  I just had to share that with you."  

Kara and I then made our official announcement on Facebook that evening.  These were the posts we made to our Facebook pages ...

Mary: "There is big news in the Daniel / Heitzman household.  And we think it is time to announce it to the world.  (deep breath)  Kara and I are thrilled to announce that we are expecting twins in early June 2012.  (We know it can all be a bit confusing but I will be the one with the growing belly.)"

Kara: "Congratulations to the most wonderful person I know for completing her second degree.  All while pregnant with twins! You're awesome Mary!"

The responses we received on Facebook were nothing but positive and I know that we definitely surprised quite a few people!

So as you can see it has been quite the busy week!

Movement:  Nope

Sex:  It is getting closer to when we can find out the sex of these little ones!  I am so excited!!

Food Cravings:  If it falls in the unhealthy food category, then I am craving it!  I just eat all the time.  It is as simple as that.

Food Aversions:  Not really.

Symptoms:  These are definitely changing a bit.  I still get some nausea at night but I really think it is correlated to being super tired in the evenings.  I also burp and have the hiccups ALL the time.  It gets a bit embarrassing when I am in the middle of a conversation at work.  I still have occasional cramping and pulling in my uterus.  That is to be expected.  There is a lot of growing going on!  The headaches have been non-stop.  I think the headaches are the equivalent of another pregnant woman's morning sickness.  The headaches don't always last all day but on occasion they can drag on the entire day.  Not cool.  I have only taken one Tylenol the entire pregnancy though.  So not too bad.  I still felt like a horrible mother when I took that Tylenol though.  Fail.

Upcoming Events:  My big brother is coming home this week!!  And I have never been more excited to see him.  Yippee.

Kara and I are also excited to spend our first Christmas together as parent's.

We have our next OB appointment on December 28th.

Please keep growing little ones.

Mary

NT Scan

We had an appointment with the MFM today and it included our 1st Trimester genetic screening.  The MFM office is actually located at the hospital where I will eventually deliver these little ones so it was nice to get our first feel for the atmosphere of the place.  We arrived to the appointment a bit early because I was a bit worried about parking.  But we did not have any problems which was awesome.  We found the office in the hospital and I got all signed in for the appointment.  We were given a "pager" (like the one you receive when you are waiting for your seat at a restaurant) and told that we could wait anywhere on the first floor and the pager would go off when it was time for our u/s.  This was great!  I was a bit grossed out by the waiting room (imagine a bunch of germ infested kids running around) so Kara and I went out and waited in the hallway.  We only had to wait about 15 minutes before our pager went off.  Nice!  The u/s tech was waiting for us when we got called back.  I really had to pee before the appointment but I was hesitant to do so because I figured as soon as I did they would ask for a urine sample and I would be up a creek without a paddle.  So as soon as the u/s tech started the u/s I heard, "Oh my!  Your bladder is full." ... Yep.  I know.  And you are pushing on it with an u/s probe!  Well ... Baby A and Baby B were being super cooperative (shocker) so the u/s tech wanted to try and get the NT measurements while they were cooperating.  The u/s tech was wonderful and explained everything as she went along.  It took about 15 minutes to get the NT measurements on both of the babies.  She took the measurement multiple times.  I was looking at a monitor across the room so I had to squint a bit but I believe the NT measurement for Baby A was 1.3mm and the measurement for Baby B was 1.4mm.  I think this is good.  Dr. Google tells me the ideal measurement is anything below 2.5mm.  So once the u/s tech got the NT measurements I got to go empty my bladder.  Awesome!  And of course give my usual urine sample.  That was not a problem this time around.  I then went back to the u/s room for the anatomy portion of the u/s.  The u/s tech spent about 30 additional minutes looking at each part of the body.  So cool ... we got to see the bladder, stomach, brain, spine, ribs, diaphragm, arms, hands, legs, and feet of each baby.  And she pointed out everything to us.  I think all looked great.  Each baby was measuring 13w6d (an entire week ahead of schedule) and each baby had a heartbeat of 159 bpm.  Perhaps they are both the same sex??  We also got to see each baby in 3-D.  It was super awesome!  So without further ado I present to you Baby A and Baby B at 12w6d ...

Baby A

Baby B

Both Baby A and Baby B (a 3-D image)

Once the u/s was complete I met with a nurse for some b/w (also for the 1st Trimester genetic screening), to get my blood pressure measured and to get my official weigh-in.  I am still fluctuating between a 1 lb and 2 lb weight gain.  The u/s tech went to discuss the results of the u/s with the MFM while I finished up with the nurse.  The u/s tech came back and said that the MFM said everything looked great at this point in time and we were free to go home.  The results of the u/s and the b/w will be sent to a lab for further processing.  I should receive a call from the MFM in about a week with the official results of the 1st Trimester genetic screening but at first glance all looks great.  And it is a huge weight off of my shoulders.  I just wish I could put into words the magnitude of today's appointment.  It was amazing.  I actually have two little ones growing in my belly.  Huh?  I cannot stop wondering about each one.  Who will they be?  What will they look like?  What will they grow up to do?  Will they continue to be healthy?  So many questions running through my head.  Overall, Kara and I had a great experience today and everyone we met at the MFM office was super nice.  We will definitely not have any hesitation returning to that office for any additional appointments we might need during this pregnancy.

Please keep growing little ones.

Mary

12w2d

How Far Along: 12w2d

Milestones: The average fetus at 12 weeks is about 2.1 inches long and .49 ounces.  Now that she's got pretty much all her parts, her main job is to keep on growing.  She's about to enter the growth and maturation stage, in which her organs and tissues will grow and develop rapidly.  She's now developing her reflexes.  If you poke her body she will likely move.  She's opening and closing her fingers and curling her toes too.  Her brain is developing fast.


Total Weight Gain: Um?  Okay.  So I put on the pounds this week.  I am officially up a total of 2 lbs as of this morning.

Maternity Clothes:  Nope. I did buy a few more maternity clothes this week.  I bought a pair of jeans and a shirt from Target.  I also bought some shirts from Old Navy.  I hope that I have some time before I am actually wearing maternity clothes but I am trying to get a feel for what clothes I like.  Plus I want to be prepared when my pants don't fit one morning.  No worries ... I have not cut the tags off of anything yet.  I can all be returned.

Here is the new belly picture for this week ...

I think I just look fat!  I think the babies are pushing my stomach up and all my fatness up and it gives me a pseudo belly.

Sleep:  Yep.  I do this.  A lot.  I have been exhausted this week.  I am usually in bed by 7:30pm.  But I also wake-up at least four times a night (Yes. No need to go back and read that again.  I actually typed 7:30pm).  I pee all the time at night.  It is crazy.  It wakes me up out of a dead sleep.  The good news.  I usually fall back to sleep really fast.  I have also noticed that it is getting more difficult to sleep on my stomach.  I have always been a stomach sleeper but I find when I am waking up in the middle of the night I am on my back.  That never happens.  So subconsciously it must not be that comfortable for me to be on my stomach.

Best Moment of the Week:  It was weird to be buying maternity clothes.  I was waiting for someone to tell me to leave the maternity department.  It is especially weird because I don't look pregnant to the normal person.  But because I am pregnant with twins I know this stomach is going to show-up unexpectedly one morning.

Kara and I have a nighttime tradition.  We follow three rules each and every night.  I like to believe these rules help sustain our relationship.  Rule #1: Never go to bed angry.  Rule #2:  Always say "I love you" before you fall asleep. Rule #3:  Always kiss each other good night.  So you might ask how these rules apply to the best moment of the week?  Well ... I now get three kisses each night before I go to bed.  I get one kiss for me and I get one kiss for each baby.  Kara just randomly started doing this each night and it means the world to me.  It is a good moment.

It is also exciting to know that I am getting very close the the 2nd trimester.  This seems like a big deal to me.

Movement:  Nope

Sex:  Still don't know the answer to this question.  I am starting to have a feeling that it is two boys.  But I also would not be surprised if it was one boy and one girl.  The good news.  I think Kara and I have decided on some names.  We will be okay if we have a boy and a girl or two boys.  But we only have one girls name at the moment.  But I would be absolutely shocked if we found out we were having two girls.  The names will remain a secret from everyone until the babies arrive.  It will be our one surprise.  Plus we don't want feedback from everyone!

Food Cravings:  I just eat all the time.  It is really sad.  I don't really have any new cravings this week.  But once I decide what I want to eat you cannot under any circumstance change my mind.  I am still loving apple juice and I was also craving cinnamon bread this week.  Oh.  And I am craving Pepsi like no other.  This is a surprise because I have not had caffeine for such a long time.  I cut out caffeine (besides chocolate) long before I got pregnant.  This week though all I can think about is fountain pop.  I have allowed myself a few sips of Pepsi a day and it seems to help ease the craving.  I know a few sips is not going to kill me.  

Food Aversions:  Not really. These seem to have gone away.

Symptoms:  I am definitely feeling some periods of cramping and random sharp pains.  Of course I panic but the rational side of me knows that my uterus is doing some serious growing and stretching and these pains are going to come and go.  I am also still dealing with headaches.  I tend to always have a headache by the end of the day.  I know I am in trouble if I wake-up with a headache.  It will not go away until the next day.  I refuse to pop any pills though and so far I have been successful.  The nausea has also come back a bit.  This surprises me.  It tends to be worse in the evening.  In fact the other night I woke-up about 2am and experienced my worst bout of nausea to date.  All I wanted to do was hurl and I could not manage to do it.  Thankfully I fell back to sleep in about 30 minutes and it subsided by the morning.  

What I Miss:  Nothing.

Upcoming Events:  We have our appointment with the MFM on December 14th.  I am so so nervous.  Shocker.  If we have a good appointment, then Kara and I will begin to announce this pregnancy to the world.  That is also very frightening.  But it is also exciting.  I will be so relieved to be out of hiding at work.  It is getting difficult to keep my mouth shut and soon it will be difficult to hide my growing belly.  Please send all the prayers you have this week as we approach a very important u/s appointment.

Please keep growing little ones.

Mary

11w2d

Baby A and Baby B are officially grounded until they go off to college.  They gave us quite a scare yesterday.  But the good news is both babies seem to be just fine.  So what happened ... I was at work yesterday morning and when I went to the bathroom about 6:30am (I go to work very early) I noticed that I had some very minor spotting.  I did not panic and immediately thought the spotting was probably some withdrawal from stopping the progesterone about 48 hours prior.  I went back to my desk and tried to remain calm.  However, around 7:00am I felt a sudden gush ... um?  Now it was time to panic.  I immediately went to the bathroom and realized that I was bleeding.  It was enough to cover my liner.  I decided to hang out in the bathroom for a few minutes and I realized that I didn't appear to be bleeding anymore.  So I went back to my desk and immediately called Kara who managed to talk me off the ledge a bit.  We just decided that I would call the OBs office as soon as they opened for the day.  I only had some minor spotting after the bleeding incident.  I was trying to remain calm by thinking back to when I had my miscarriage.  I was not have any intense cramping and that was giving me some reassurance.  I called the OBs office at 9:15am and the nurse immediately told me to come in to see the u/s tech.  I was walking in the front door of the OBs office by 9:30am.  The waiting room was full.  I went up to the front desk and let them know that I did not have an appointment but I had called this morning and was told to come in as soon as possible.  The front desk girl immediately said "come on back".  Really?  So by 9:35am I was watching both of my babies on the u/s screen.  I could not bring myself to look at the u/s screen when the tech started but eventually I heard, "Mary.  It is okay to look."  I have never felt so much relief.  The u/s tech took some measurements and both babies appeared to be doing great.  She also searched around for the source of the bleeding but could not find one.  Once the u/s tech was finished she told me to stay put while she went to review the results with the OB.  I know that my OB does not work on Fridays so I assumed she was meeting with the other OB in the office.  About five minutes later there is a knock on the door and in walks my OB.  Relief!!!  She had stopped in the office that morning to do some paper work and was the one that told the nurse when I called this morning to have me come right in.  She reassured me that both babies were doing just fine and sometimes there is not explanation for 1st trimester bleeding.  But because it has seemed to stop for the moment there was no need for me to worry.  I just need to take it easy and follow-up if I have any additional bleeding.  I apologized to the OB for panicking and she quickly reassured me that I need to call the moment I have any sort of concern.  So ... have I mentioned how much I officially love this OBs office!  They rock in my book.  I was walking back into the office by 10:25am only a bit over an hour after I first called the OBs office.  Impressive.  So please keep sending all the positive thoughts and vibes that you can spare that these babies keep growing.

How Far Along: 11w2d

Milestones: Your fetus, about the size of a large lime, measures about 1.75 to 2.4 inches from crown to rump and weighs about three-tenths of an ounce.  You can now hear the heartbeat through a doppler.  Fingernails and external genitalia are showing distinguishing characteristics, and the baby is swallowing and kicking, even though you don't feel it. You uterus is almost big enough to fill your pelvis and may be felt in your lower abdomen.

Total Weight Gain:  I was up 0.8 lbs at my official weigh-in this morning.

Maternity Clothes:  Nope.  But I did buy my first pair of maternity pants!  I know that one morning I am going to wake up and need them.  I actually bought them at the thrift store (a pair of GAP boot cut cords for only $7.99).  I also got a bunch of hand me downs from my really good friend who just had twins.  She is a bit taller than me (that might be a understatement) but I think some of the maternity shirts might fit me towards the end of my pregnancy because they no longer fit her at the end of her pregnancy.  They are just nice to have on hand.

Sleep:  I am actually sleeping great.  I still go to bed early and tend to wake-up around 2:30am.  This is only bad on the days that I have to work and my alarm clock goes off at 4:00am.  Yuck.

Best Moment of the Week:  Our u/s at our first OB appointment.  It never gets old.

We also finished telling most of our immediate family members about the pregnancy.  I even told my twin brother.  I wrote him a letter.  Of course I have not heard a peep from him.  Not a shocker.  But it still stings a bit. (I don't think this should be under the best moment of the week.)

Movement: Nope

Sex:  Welp.  The u/s tech gave us a guess of boy for Baby B at our u/s this past week.  Perhaps?  Kara and I are really starting to believe that Baby A is a girl and Baby B is a boy just based on  personality alone.  We cannot wait to find out!!

Food Cravings: I have not really had any food cravings this weeks.  The foods I have been craving the past few weeks have disappeared.  This does not mean that I'm not stuffing my face.  Because I am.  I am still digging chocolate.  So not a good craving.  Why can't I crave apples?  Though I have been drinking a lot of apple juice.

Food Aversions:  These seem to have disappeared this week.  Though I was craving milk like crazy a few weeks ago and at the moment I can't really stand the thought of it.  Weird.

Symptoms:  I have felt really good this week (outside of our bleeding scare).  I feel really lucky to have survived most of the 1st trimester with minimal symptoms.  I am still exhausted at the end of the day but that is to be expected I think.  I mentioned to the OB at my first appointment on Wednesday that the lack of symptoms makes me really nervous.  I guess it just varies person to person.  And I need to be grateful.  I would be grateful if the bleeding stays away forever.

What I Miss: Nothing

Upcoming Events:  We have our appointment with the MFM on December 14th.

Please keep growing little ones.

Mary

some pictures

Here are some pictures ...

Baby A (measuring 11w0d)

Baby B (measuring 11w2d)

And our first belly shot at 11w0d. Do I look pregnant?  I actually really do.  I probably should have taken a picture at 4 weeks when we found out we were pregnant.  Oh well.  

Mary

a real pregnant lady

Kara and I had our first OB appointment yesterday.  Of course I was a bundle of nerves.

The appointment did not start off all that great.  We were told to arrive to the appointment 15 minutes early to complete new patient paperwork.  Not a problem.  Of course when Kara and I arrive at 9:15am we hear the words, "We don't have you on the schedule for today."  Huh?  You called to confirm the appointment two days ago.  Of course I immediately start to panic inside.  All I wanted was to know whether or not I still had two babies growing in my belly!  Turns out ... The front desk girl was looking at the schedule from November 29th and it was November 30th.  We were safe!

Of course I immediately started comparing the OBs office to the REs office.  You could immediately tell the OBs office relies heavily on income from insurance companies while the REs office gets a lot of income from self-pay patients.  How could I tell?  The REs office is super duper fancy.  The OBs office ... not so much!  And the exam rooms?  An even bigger difference!  Let me tell you though ... it was so GREAT to be in that OBs office.  There were pregnant women all around me and it didn't bug me in the least bit.  That's a change from a few months ago.

Kara and I only waited about 20 minutes before we were called back by the nurse.  I did the standard get weighed, pee in a cup, and take my blood pressure (120/62) for those keeping track at home.  I was surprised my blood pressure was decent considering I wanted to puke all over the exam room floor.  Kara and I then waited to meet the OB.  I was starting to get worried that my records did not get transferred over from the REs office because of comments that had been made by the front desk girl.  Plus my file looked really small when the nurse brought us back to the room.  All my fears immediately melted away when the OB entered the room with the words ... "Congratulations!  And it's twins!"   Sweet.  They had gotten my records because I had never even mentioned the twin pregnancy to the office.  The OB was amazing from the minute she walked into the room.  She briefly went over our trying to get pregnant history.  And listened to my concerns about miscarriage.  And even better ... she did not minimize my concerns and stated, "When you go through any sort of fertility treatments and then add a miscarriage on top of that of course you are going to be concerned.  We will do an u/s today."  .... I could have HUGGED her!  I felt immediate relief.  The OB spent a bunch of time going over the plan of action for the pregnancy.  It looks like I will be working with both the OB and a high risk doctor (maternal fetal medicine doctor or a MFM).  Both doctors then collaborate with one another about my care.  My OB has delivered many sets of twins and also a few set of triplets so I feel very comfortable with her overseeing my pregnancy.  She also listened to all my concerns that I had regarding a vaginal birth versus a c-section.  We will leave my beliefs on both of those for a later date.  My thoughts might surprise some people.  And even better she was immediately on bored with how I wanted to give birth to these babies.  She also expressed the concerns she has with twin pregnancies and I appreciated the fact that she considers a twin pregnancy to be a much higher risk than a singleton pregnancy.  We finally discussed my weight gain (or lack thereof) and she indicated that because of my size she is okay with me only gaining between 30 - 35 lbs this pregnancy.  If I gain more it is not a problem.  It appears that my OB believes most of my weight gain will be all baby.  So after all the talk it was u/s time ...

I got to keep my pants on!!!  Not once did I have to take my pants off for this appointment.  That is a milestone.  I had a big girl ultrasound.  Kara and I both really liked the u/s tech too.  She spread the gel on my belly and immediately both babies popped up on the screen.  Her words, "We don't even have to check for a heartbeat on Baby B.  He is moving around like crazy."  And of course I followed it up with, "What about Baby A?  Heartbeat?" and the u/s tech immediately moved over to check on my precious Baby A who was resting comfortably next to his or her sibling.  Relief!!  It was amazing.  Both babies actually looked like babies.  They have grown so much over the past two weeks.  Baby A is measuring 11w0d and had a heartbeat of 171 bpm and Baby B (our wiggle worm) is measuring 11w2d and had a heartbeat of 176 bpm.  The u/s tech also asked us if we plan to find out the sex of the babies.  Of course we do!  I then noticed she was spending a lot of time looking at our wiggle worm Baby B.  She then says, "I wouldn't go painting the nursery blue but if I had to bet I would say Baby B is a boy."  Haha!  We shall see.  Perhaps that means that Baby A who is always super calm is a girl!  We should be able to find out in just a few weeks.  We got some awesome pictures of the babies.  I haven't had time to scan them into the computer but when I do I will be sure to post them.

When we left the u/s portion of the appointment it was time to leave for the day.  When I walked out to the front desk to schedule my next appointment my OB was on the phone.  She immediately made eye contact with me to see if the u/s went okay.  I just nodded my head "Yes" and I got a big thumbs up from the OB.  And then much to my amazement ... when the OB got off the phone she immediately came over and gave Kara and me a big hug.  It was so sweet of her!  I think she could sense my relief.

So our next steps ... We will have an appointment with the MFM in the next couple of weeks.  It will give us an opportunity to meet the MFM and also complete our 1st trimester genetic screening.  The 1st trimester genetic screening will include an NT scan (basically an u/s that measure the thickness of the back of the babies necks) and some b/w.  The genetic screening will give us some percentages in terms of the likelihood of either baby having one of the most common chromosomal abnormalities such as Down Syndrome.  Not everyone opts for this test but Kara and I both believe strongly in being presented with as much information as possible.  So we have opted to complete this screening.  We then have our next OB appointment in four weeks (YIKES).  I will have my annual done at this time (not cool because that means the pants have to come off again) and I believe I will have another u/s.  I at least know I will have my first cervical length u/s at this appointment (Yep.  That means it is back to my pants being off and a date with ole wandy.) so I am assuming we will also get to see the babies at this appointment.  Plus my OB mentioned that I will probably get an u/s at every appointment.  So that is were we stand.

Please keep growing little ones.

Mary

10w2d

How Far Along: 10w2d

Milestones: Your baby is now officially called a "fetus".  It looks a little like a medium shrimp, measuring 1.25 to 1.68 inches from crown to rump, and weighing a little less than two-tenths of an ounce.  You might be reassured to know that most physical malformations, when they occur, have occurred by the end of this week, so the most critical part of your baby's development is safely behind you.  But other development processes, such as those affecting behavior and intelligence, will continue throughout pregnancy.  Eyes are covered by skin that will eventually split to form eyelids.

Total Weight Gain: 0 lbs.  I am still holding steady at the same weight.  This was a shock when I weighed myself this morning.  Did you see how much I ate on Thanksgiving??

Maternity Clothes:  Nope.

Sleep:  I am sleeping much better than I was just a week ago.  However, I have quite a bit of time off of work so this could be the reason.  I'm just much more relaxed on my off days.

Best Moment of the Week: There were quite a few this week.  We have made pregnancy announcements to most of our immediate family members.  It has been a bit stressful and exciting all at the same time.  We told Kara's brother and girlfriend on Thanksgiving Day.  We always exchange Christmas presents on Thanksgiving because we all can't be together at Christmas.  This year Kara and I threw in one final gift for Bryan and Katie.  We wrapped up two onesies that said, "Are these people really my relatives?" and then we waited to see how long it took for them to figure it out.  Some of the comments made, "Oh.  These are so cute." and "Wait. What are these?" and "Do you know something I don't know." and "No really ... what are these?".  And then suddenly it all dawned on them.  We got it on camera which was even better.  We will be able to show our kids the video one day.  I also was able to tell my brother today.  I really wanted to make the announcement in person but I won't see him until Christmas.  So I had to do it over the phone.  I think he was in shock.  I simply asked him, "Are you ready to be an Uncle again?"  It was cute.  I'm sure it will sink in over the next few days!

I also officially have a baby bump!  It kind of looks like I swallowed a muffin in the morning.  But by the evening the bloat kicks in and I look super fat!!

The other big news of the week ... I am almost done with the progesterone!  This is super exciting!!

Movement: Nope.

Sex: Nope.

Food Cravings:  I have not had too many food cravings this week.  I am however eating all the time!  I guess this is why I am shocked that I have not gained 10 lbs.  I've been craving chocolate quite a bit this week.  But I am trying to avoid eating too much of it.  But I do sneak a piece every once in awhile.  I wish I had a healthier craving.  I have also been craving Bumblebee Stew from J.Gumbo's.  Yum.  Yum.

Food Aversions:  I still don't have too many food aversions.

Symptoms:  The headaches have arrived with a vengeance this week.  I was really afraid of this.  I am prone to headaches to begin with and I have had one every day this week.  I think it is just my hormones.  The pimples have also come back with a vengeance.  Otherwise I still deal with the exhaustion but the nausea has seemed to disappear except for really late at night.  It usually only comes on when I am really tired.  

What I Miss:  Nothing.

Upcoming Events:  We have our first OB appointment on November 30th.  I am so nervous but I am trying not to think too much about it.  We are just crossing our fingers that we still have two little babies growing in my belly.

Please stick little ones.

Mary

9w2d

I thought I would officially start a weekly pregnancy survey to keep track of each week.  I stole this from a friend.


How Far Along: 9w2d


Milestones: The embryo measures about 0.9 inches to 1.2 inches from crown to rump.  The embryo is about the size of a strawberry.  The arms and legs are longer and the fingers might be a little swollen where the touch pads are forming.  The head is more erect and neck is more developed.  Your baby now moves its body and limbs and the movement can be visible during an ultrasound, but you won't be able to feel it yet.

Total Weight Gain: 0 lbs.  I lost a pound during the first few weeks of this pregnancy but as of this morning I am back to the weight I was the day I found out I was pregnant.  

Maternity Clothes:  Nope.  I hope to get through the first trimester before I have to think about maternity clothes.  I have a very tiny baby bump at the moment.  It is definitely not noticeable to anyone but Kara and me.

Sleep:  I am exhausted all the time but I have a hard time sleeping more than one or two hours in a row.  I think part of my problem is that I get up to pee about three times a night.  My other problem is my brain.  It never shuts off!

Best Moment of the Week: Our nine week ultrasound.  Amazing!  We also made our official announcement to Kara's Mom and Stepfather.  It was our first pregnancy announcement outside of those who knew we were trying to get pregnant.  I was super nervous!  It was great to be able to see the excitement on Kara's face though as she talked to her mom on the phone.  And her mom was super excited!

Movement: Nope.  They are moving around but I won't feel it for several weeks.

Sex:  We can't wait to find out!  At the moment I think it is two girls and Kara thinks it is a boy and a girl.

Food Cravings: Milk!  I am not usually a big milk drinker but I cannot seem to get enough of it the last couple of weeks.  I have been chugging carnation instant breakfast like it is going out of style.  I am also craving cereal (probably because I get more milk), beans, orange juice, and pasta.

Food Aversions: No real food aversions.  However, outside of the foods I am craving I only seem to be able to eat something one time.  So leftovers sit in our fridge for a long time.  And I feel bad for Kara because she loves to cook but she can no longer plan any meals because I don't know what I am going to want to eat until a few minutes before I eat.

Symptoms: I am nauseous quite a bit but it has become a new normal for me.  I am exhausted.  I usually hit a wall about noon each day.

What I Miss:  Nothing.  I wouldn't trade this for the world.

Upcoming Events: Our first OB appointment is on November 30th.  We are also looking forward to Thanksgiving.  We have to decide if we are going to share the good news with the rest of Kara's family.  I am hesitant to do so but at the same time we only see Kara's family once or twice a year so it would be really nice to be able to give the good news in person.  Plus I always drink wine at Thanksgiving dinner.  It is common for Kara's Aunt to hand me a glass of wine as a I walk through the front door.  So needless to say people are going to notice if I am not drinking.  Such a tough decision.  We are at the point now though that if something did happen to these babies we would need the support of our family.  It was hard enough when we went through an early miscarriage.  If it happened again I would want our family around us.

Please stick little ones.

Mary

graduation day

The u/s today was simply amazing.  We got really good pictures of both Baby A and Baby B.  Baby A is measuring 9w1d with a heartbeat of 174 bpm and Baby B is measuring 9w1d with a heartbeat of 189 bpm.  There was quite a difference between the heartbeats today but I think it is because Baby A was asleep and Baby B was awake.  Yep you could actually see Baby B moving around and waving his or her arms.  The RE tried to wake Baby A up by pushing on my stomach but he or she was being stubborn.  And they definitely looked like little gummy bears today.  I'm officially attached.

Here are the most recent pictures ...

The Duo

Baby A

Baby B

We also graduated from the RE today.  My RE was going to have me come back in another two weeks for another u/s but I was actually able to schedule an OB appointment on November 30th so that meant today was our last appointment at this office.  Insert a bit a panic.  I told my RE that the only words I could think to say were "Thank You" but with all that she has done for us it needed to go way beyond "Thank You".  I have never encountered a better physician in my life.  She is an extremely modest person and even responded with "It's my job.  I promise it was not problem." but I quickly made her aware that I think she goes above and beyond in caring for her patients.  And she does.  And she does it all unselfishly.  And thankfully she made a quick exit before I got too emotional.  I am not an emotional person by nature and in fact I have yet to cry since I found out I was pregnant.  But I was very close to tears leaving that office today.  We ended our visit by sharing good-byes and hugs with a few of the nurses.  The RE office even gave us our first gifts for the babies.  It was very sweet.  And we will be sure to keep them as keepsakes for our babies.  So that is it.  It is onto a new chapter.    

I have my first OB appointment scheduled for November 30th.  I did a bit of research over the weekend and I think I found an OB office that best meets my needs at the moment.  I am excited for our first appointment and also a bit nervous as it is almost two weeks away.  I just keep trying to think of it as another 2ww.  I can do this.  I really hope I get an u/s that day.  I know.  I'm a bit selfish when it comes to u/s.  I have already had more u/s than most woman do during their entire pregnancy.  But for some reason seeing my little ones on the screen is the only thing that reassures me at the moment.

Symptoms (9w1d) - I actually feel decent at the moment.  I think I have come to accept a new normal.  I get exhausted fast.  And I still find myself sleeping at least nine hours a night.  I also get up to pee at least three times during the night.  The nausea comes and goes.  It actually appears to be worse at night.  However, I am lucky that I have actually never vomited and the nausea really doesn't keep me from eating.  I am eating like a horse.  I'm just really picky about what I eat.  And the biggest news yet ... I am starting to get a bit of a baby bump.  I might have Kara take our first bump picture tomorrow.  It would definitely not be noticeable to a regular person but I can tell it is starting to make an appearance.

That is all for now.

Please stick little ones.

Mary

it never gets old

I wish I could sneak a peek at our babies every week.  It is an adrenaline rush each and every time.  A moment I cannot put into words.  Pure magic. And getting to hear the heart beats ... I feel transported to a whole other universe.

We had our third u/s today and both babies appear to be right on track.

Baby A is measuring 8w0d with a heartbeat of 180 bpm and Baby B is measuring 8w2d with a heartbeat of 183 bpm.  We could not really get a good picture of Baby B today.  The baby was hanging out far from the u/s probe so he or she just looked like a fuzzy blob.  However, Baby A was super close to the u/s probe and actually sort of looked like a baby today.  Or at least a "gummy bear" as my RE described him or her.  Here are a couple of pictures.

Baby A

Baby B

See Baby B was not having a good picture day!

Unfortunately Kara was not able to go to the appointment with me this morning.  Our furry baby Leo decided to cut his ear about 30 minutes before our appointment.  There was blood everywhere.  It seriously looked like someone had been murdered in the kitchen.  So Kara had to stay behind to tend to Mr. Leo who seems to be doing much better at the moment.  I never knew that so much blood could come from such a little dog!

I believe I only have one more appointment with the RE.  Oh my! I am not an emotional person but fear the emotions will be running rampant when I leave that office next week.  My RE gave me the names of a few OBs in the area and I plan to do some research this weekend to see who might be a good match.  I will call to schedule my first OB appointment next week.  Yikes!  

Symptoms (8w1d):  My number one symptom is pure exhaustion!  I cannot even describe it my friends.  These little "gummy bears" are taking every ounce of my energy.  I am tired from the moment I get up in the morning.  It doesn't help that I get up to pee about four times a night.  I spend most of my day in a crazy fog.  I just go through the motions with my goal being the end of the day.  Otherwise I deal with a feeling of nauseousness all day long.  The only time I am not nauseous is when I am shoving food in my mouth. I don't really have any food aversions but I definitely know what I want to eat at any given moment and you better not try to feed me something different.  But here is the thing ... I wouldn't trade any of these feelings for the world.  I am growing two babies inside of me ... Do you know how amazing that is??

So we wait another week and continue to hope with every ounce of our being that the little ones continue to grow.

Please stick little ones.

Mary

another peek

We got another peek at the twins today.  And we are just thrilled that both babies are still hanging around.

Baby A is measuring 7w0d and has a heart rate of 144 bpm and Baby B is measuring 7w2d and has a heart rate of 142 bpm.  Here they are ...

It is amazing how much they have grown in just one week.

We go back again next week to make sure all is still on track.  The RE mentioned doing some prenatal b/w at our next appointment and then we can make a determination as to when I will be released to an OB (aka.  a doctor for all the regular pregnant ladies).  It is all still so surreal at the moment.  It is hard at the moment to think beyond tomorrow.  I just keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.  I even told the RE today that I am a "glass half empty" kind of person.  I just need people to know that I am beyond excited but I cannot at this moment show those emotions on the outside.  Kara and I are very quiet and reserved in general so at times it might look like we are being nonchalant about the entire pregnancy but I assure you that we are both thrilled beyond belief.  We are also just extremely nervous.  I'm definitely more nervous than Kara and she deserves an award for putting up with me all the time.  Did I mention that Kara deserves an award?  She does.  

Symptoms (7w1d):  I am exhausted!!  I have been sleeping about 10 hours each night and I am tired from the moment I wake up in the morning.  I feel as if I am living in a fog.  I am also nauseous quite a bit and I cycle between "give me your taco or I will steal it" to "please don't mention food".  And I love every minute of it!  I have not thrown up at this point so I consider myself very blessed at this point.  I would describe my how I feel physically at this point as being "hungover".  My emotional state is also all over the place.  I am going to blame it on the hormones.

That is all for now.  Please stick little ones.

Mary

telling the parents and other ramblings

So very few people know that we are pregnant.  The only people that know we are pregnant are a handful of friends and family that have been supporting us through this entire journey.  And Kara and I would like to keep it a secret as long as possible.  My mom and dad have been supporting us through this journey.  They did not know the actual date of our first u/s appointment.  I actually fibbed and told them that our first appointment was on Halloween.  Kara and I had decided that we didn't want anyone to know the actual day of the appointment because if we got bad news we wanted to be able to deal with it.  So anyhow Kara and I got the good news on Friday morning and we decided to go to my parent's house that evening to share the news.  We arrived at the house shortly before my mom arrived home from work.  I had some clothes to drop off at the house so that was my reason for the visit.  Of course my mom immediately got freaked out when she pulled into the driveway and saw our car.  We never come over without giving some notice.  So this is how the big reveal went ...

Mom: "You are making me nervous.  Why are you here?"
Me: "I wanted to introduce you to your new grandchildren." (i was pulling out the u/s pictures at this point)
Dad: "Children?"
(I don't think my mom caught on to this part.  She was too busy hugging me.)
Me: "It's twins!"

This was then followed by a lot of hugs and squeals of delight.  It was an exciting moment and I am just glad I could actually surprise them with some sort of news.  We are going to wait to tell Kara's family until Thanksgiving (assuming all is still going well).  We would be about ten weeks at that point.  We will then follow that up by sharing the news with my brothers and other family members.  I do not plan to tell my coworkers until I am at least 13 weeks (I would actually like to try and make it to 14 weeks).  I just keep praying that we actually get to follow this plan.

Symptoms (6w5d):  I officially dry heaved for the first time this morning.  I have had on and off nausea for the past week.  It typically goes away after I have eaten something.  However, unlike last week where I wanted to eat everything in sight, this week nothing sounds good.  So it makes it difficult to shove food down my throat.  The only reason I do it is because I know it will settle my stomach for a few minutes.  I was really nauseous last night and each time I woke up to pee last night (which I do a lot) the nausea was still hanging around.  So needless to say when I woke-up this morning my stomach was not happy.  I dragged my butt down to the kitchen and ate a few pieces of dry cereal and that seemed to help a bit.  But I was still gagging as I put my socks on this morning.  Other symptoms ... I am exhausted.  All the time.  My boobs don't really hurt anymore but they have definitely gotten bigger (cause you need to know that).  So of course I am panicking because my boobs don't really hurt anymore.  Sigh.  The worry will never end.

That is all for now.  I am in a constant state of worry.  I just want to see two little babies with beating hearts at our next appointment.

Please stick little ones.

Mary  

double the trouble. double the love.

It's TWINS!!!

We had our u/s yesterday at 6w1d.  It is a day I will never forget.

The last two weeks have moved so slow.  I was literally counting down the hours until this appointment.  But of course as soon as I woke up on Friday morning I wanted to do anything but go to the appointment.  I was so nervous.  I decided it would be better just to live in denial.  Kara and I got to the appointment on time and I literally could not formulate a complete sentence.  My mouth was so dry!  I know the staff greeted us when we walked in the front door but I could only force a smile.  We only had to wait a few minutes in the waiting room before the nurse called us back to the exam room.  The nurse indicated that our RE was in the middle of a procedure so we might have to wait a few minutes.  This was okay.  I was just glad to be waiting in the exam room and not in the waiting room.  I got naked (because you need to know that) and then Kara proceeded to try and entertain me during the wait.  I thought at one point ... "Hey!  I have been through plenty of these u/s.  I will just walk Kara through the process so we can see what is going on in my uterus."  I think we only waited about 10 minutes.  Then my RE entered the room.  This is how it went down ...

RE: "How are you feeling?"
Me: "I'm nervous."
RE: "What are you nervous about?"
Me: "That there won't be anything in there."
RE: (with a smile) "I think there will be something in there."
(the RE proceeds to put in the wand and literally only has the picture on the screen for three seconds)
RE: "How about a two something?" (i still have no idea how she could see both babies so fast)
Me: *small giggle* ... *dead silence*

This is what we saw ...

It was the greatest moment of my life.  I was in shock.  We knew that twins were a distinct possibility but to actually see the babies on the screen.  I cannot even explain it.  The RE then took the time to show us the details of each baby.  We got to see each heart flickering away on the screen.  AMAZING!  And then the best part ... we got to hear each heartbeat.  I mean literally hear it (well at least a computer generated version of it).  I really could not formulate a single thought in my brain.  I realized at one point that I was biting my nails like crazy.  Here I am spread eagle on the exam table and I am staring at the screen biting my finger nails.  I must have looked like a three year-old who just had a teddy bear stolen.  I know the RE was talking during the u/s but I was not really registering anything that she was saying to me.  Even when she was done with the u/s I kept glancing at the screen to look at the picture that remained.  She started giving me instructions but I do not remember any of them.  I need to get better at listening. She even asked me at one point ...

RE: "What medications are you on?"
Me: "None."
RE: "None?"
Me: "Oh.  I mean progesterone and my prenatal vitamin.  Sorry."

I'm sure I would have been incapable of spelling my name at the moment.  She ended the conversation with ...

RE: "Do you have any questions?"
Me: "Can I have a picture?"
RE: (laughing) "Yes.  I took a lot."

I totally win the mother of the year award.  Do you know how many questions I should have probably been asking?  Yeah.  I didn't ask a single question.

My favorite moment ... When the RE left the room I looked over at Kara and she gave me a big high-five.  It was a classic Kara moment (who by the way was totally in awe the entire u/s).  I then made Kara give me a kiss!  It was a moment I will always remember.

So even with all the excitement there is still a ton of worrying left to be done.  The RE indicated that my chance of miscarrying both babies at this point is about 5%.  However, there is a much greater chance of losing one of the babies.  This is known as vanishing twin syndrome and can occur in up to 25% of all twin pregnancies.  I don't like those statistics.  So of course I am terrified of what will show-up on the next u/s.  The good news ... we heard heartbeats on both babies.  I know that there is nothing I can do at this point to guarantee both of these babies will make it for the long haul.  We just ask for all the prayers that we can get from those around us that know we are pregnant (which is not a lot of people).

Our next u/s is scheduled for next week.

Please stick little ones.

Mary

anxiety to the extreme

I cannot even begin to describe the anxiety I have been feeling over the past few days.  I am no longer a contributing member of society.  I find myself sitting at my desk just blankly starring at my computer screen.  I find myself calculating the number of hours I have until the u/s.  I find myself alternating between thoughts of a perfect appointment and thoughts of a horrible appointment. I keep reminding myself that I am strong and Kara and I can get through anything.  I keep hoping with every ounce of strength I have that we actually have a little one growing and thriving inside me.  But I also am panicked stricken that we will be looking at an empty u/s screen.  I just want to get to this appointment.  I just want it to be over.  I just want to know.  I need a plan of action.  And right now I can't develop a plan of action if I don't know what is going on.  And even if we do get good news it doesn't mean that bad news won't follow on a later date.  At some point I am going to need to let go of all this negativity.  I just don't think it is going to be anytime soon.

Symptoms (5w5d):  So I guess I do have some symptoms.  But I feel like they should be getting more intense.  The pimples are out of control.  Enough said on that subject.  My boobs still hurt.  But I almost feel as if they don't hurt as much as they did a few days ago.  I am tired.  All the time.  But I have a hard time sleeping.  I find myself eating all the time.  If I don't eat every couple of hours in the morning I find myself with a "weird" feeling in my stomach.  I would definitely not call it morning sickness though.  I almost wonder if it is nerves.  Otherwise ...  I do not feel pregnant.  I really wish I felt pregnant.

The next time I write will be after our u/s appointment.

Please stick little one.

Mary

still here. still pregnant. i hope.

I am 5 weeks pregnant today.  I hope.

I took another HPT this morning just for some reassurance.   It was positive.  Not that the HPT actually tells me if my pregnancy is progressing in the right direction but it at least tells me that I still have hcg in my system.  I will take what I can get.

The thing is ... I don't feel pregnant.  Should I feel pregnant?  I don't really have any symptoms at the moment.  My boobs are a bit sore.  Which I guess is a symptom because my boobs never hurt at all.  I'm not one of those women who gets sore boobs before my period is to start.  I still have a lot of pimples on my face.  My sleep pattern sucks at the moment.  I cannot seem to stay awake past 8pm each night but then I am wide-awake at 2am.  And then it is pointless to fall back to sleep because my alarm will go off at 4am.  All of these symptoms (minus the boobs) could simply be from stress.  I also find that I cannot eat a lot of food at any one time.  I get super bloated.  It just feels like there is no room for food.  Otherwise.  I feel completely normal.  So not reassuring.

I am scheduled for my first u/s in the next couple of weeks.  I am being vague with the date of the appointment on purpose.  I got a call from the nurse at the REs office to schedule the u/s and again I felt as if I was having an out of body experience.

Me: "Hello"
Nurse: "Hey Mary.  It's L.  I got a note from V to call and schedule you for your first OB appointment."
Me: (Is she talking to me?  An OB appointment?  Huh?  You only have an OB appointment when you are pregnant.): "Um .... Yes."
Nurse: "That is so exciting."
Me: "It is.  It's a bit surreal.  I just hope everything continues to go in the right direction."
Nurse: "Have you seen your numbers?"
Me (I really wish people would stop saying that!): "The numbers help.  But I'm still terrified."

I also had a dentist appointment yesterday that was scheduled long before I became pregnant.  Obviously.  Do you know how weird it is to tell strangers that you are pregnant?  Especially when you don't look pregnant.  It is especially weird when they think you are single.  The conversation went as follows ...

dental hygienist: "Any new health concerns?"
me: "Um.  Yes.  This is actually weird to say because the pee stick isn't even dry yet ... but I am pregnant."
dental hygienist: "Seriously? Oh my do we have a lot to talk about. I guess we won't be doing any x-rays today."
me (great she thinks I got drunk one night and got knocked up): "Yeah.  I am nervous though because we had a miscarriage earlier this summer."
dental hygienist: "So this pregnancy was planned?"
me: "Yep.  It was definitely planned."
dental hygienist: "I didn't even know you were dating anyone."
me (deep breath): "I have been with my girlfriend for about 6 years."
dental hygienist: "Oh.  So this was definitely planned."
me: "Yeah.  It kind of has to be planned."
dental hygienist: "So do you know the daddy?"
me (and so it starts): "There is no dad.  Just a momma and a mommy.  But if you are asking about the donor.  No. We do not know him."
dental hygienist: "That's so exciting."

I am sure I will have many more stories to tell.  Okay.  I better actually go do some work.

Please stick little one.

Mary

over another hurdle

Only a bazillion more to go!  I have an hcg level of 990 at 16dpiui.  This gives us a doubling time of 39.35 hours.  I believe at this level the ideal doubling time is 48 hours so we seem to be right on track.  I have been a nervous wreck the last 48 hours.  I feel sorry for all the people that had to be around me.  The negative thoughts that have been running through my brain have been crazy.  I feel a bit more relaxed at the moment but I am sure it is only temporary.  We now have to wait for our first u/s at around 6 weeks.  That will be our next hurdle.  So we are essentially in another 2ww.  I sure am getting tired of all this waiting!

I actually got the lab results from my RE today.  I think the RE called instead of a nurse because it is a weekend.  But it took me a second to figure this out.  The phone call was funny ...

(my phone rings and I do not recognize the number)
Me: "Hello."
RE: "Mary?"
Me: "Yes."
RE: (speaking really fast and not telling me who she is) "I've got really good news.  Your levels came back at 990."
Me: (I simultaneously figured out that is it my RE on the phone and then realized I had no idea what she just said to me) "Is that good?  What was the number again?"

Another memory to document along this journey.

Speaking of memories ... Kara and I celebrated the good news with a trip to Jeni's (only the best ice cream place in town).

I really don't have any symptoms at the moment.  Though I don't really think I should be having any symptoms either. I still have some cramping on and off and I hope that the cramps are just our little one snuggling into his or her home for the next nine months and not our little one trying to find an exit.  And I definitely think I am a bit more tired at the end of the day.  And the pimples still exist.  I hope those don't last another nine months.  Actually who am I kidding ... they can last the next ten years if it brings us a healthy little one at the end of nine months.  So no complaints in the symptom department at the moment.

I just want to take a moment to express how truly blessed I feel at the moment.  Our journey has not been a short one.  However, it also has not been a long journey.  And for that I feel blessed.  I know we have a long road in front of us.  I know that we are no where out of the woods.  But today a big hurdle was crossed and for that I am truly thankful.  We will continue to cross our fingers and our toes and our eyes.

Please stick little one.

Mary

headed in the right direction

I have an hcg level of 425 at 14dpiui.  And in the words of the nurse at the RE's office, "Your number is really, really, really good."  And I am thrilled beyond belief.  I am also terrified.  Our next test will be the follow-up b/w in two days.  We need to see a very good increase in the number.  I just want to get further than we got the last time.  Actually that's a lie ... I want to hold a baby in my arms in nine months.    

My symptoms - Not a whole lot at the moment.  My face has enough pimples on it to last a lifetime.  I have had cramping on and off for several days.  I hope it is our little one snuggling in for a long nine months.  I am a bit more tired than usual but that could also be how I am dealing with stress at the moment.  To be honest I feel as if I am about to start my period at any moment.  I keep doing the "toilet paper" check and outside of some very brief spotting this morning all has been okay.  The nurse at the RE's office thinks the progesterone might be causing some irritation which caused me to have some light spotting.  I am going to hope that this is the case.  Otherwise I don't feel pregnant at all.  But I guess one can't really feel all that pregnant at 4 weeks.

I just want to comment on how amazing the entire staff is at my RE's office.  I have gotten to know them all very well over the last ten months (that happens when you make 40+ office visits in a ten month period) and I do not think there is a better medical practice around.  Everyone I spoke to this morning was extremely excited about the + HPTs and the stellar b/w.  It gave me warm fuzzies.  They do an amazing job of talking me off the ledge when all I can see in front of me is negativity.  It will be hard to leave that office.  It will be a weird feeling.  I want nothing more than to leave that office in the dust but I will be sad to say "good-bye" to the staff.

Speaking of saying "good-bye" ... I graduated from acupuncture yesterday.  I have only been going for a few months but over those few months I have established a relationship with my acupuncturist.  She was thrilled beyond belief when I told her that I was pregnant yesterday.  The conversation went like this ...

My acupuncturist: "How are you feeling today?"
Me: "Pregnant."
My acupuncturist: "You know for sure?"
Me: "Yes.  Unless the thousand HPTs I have taken are all broken."
(insert squeals of delight and big hugs)

I got a big old hug.  It was probably the best reaction I have gotten to this point.  And I appreciated it.  I can continue acupuncture in my first trimester if I experience any severe morning sickness.  Otherwise my acupuncturist does not feel a need for me to continue with it at this point.  She also indicated that acupuncture can be great for post partum.  Let's hope that I don't go back for any other reason except the ones I mentioned.  Again ... please stick little one.

I don't think there is much else to report at this time.  I know some of you might be thinking, "Hey! That hcg level is really high for 14dpiui.  Dr. Google would say that it looks like you might have more than one baby in your belly." ... Kara and I are not thinking about this at the moment.  We are only hoping for one super healthy baby.  We want good numbers on Saturday.  We can only think about one thing at a time.  Plus we also know that plenty of women have really high hcg levels on 14dpiui and only have a singleton.  It can really go anyway.

Please stick little one.

Mary

the proof

The proof is in the pictures.  (Yes.  I took pictures of things I have peed on.  You would too!)

I am in countdown mode today.  Please let me make it to the official test day tomorrow.  Please stick little one.

Mary

okay. deep breath.

I am pregnant.  Shh .... We are going to pretend I did not just say that out loud.

Today is 12dpiui and I have been taking HPTs like it is my job.  Seriously I should own stock in whatever company makes HPTs.  I started testing out my trigger shot 7dpiui and as is to be expected the line was getting lighter each day (between 8dpiui and 9dpiui).  But then the line stopped getting lighter and at 10dpiui the line was just a bit darker.  I never actually got a - HPT.  I do not believe the trigger shot is still in my system because the line on the HPTs keep getting darker.  This is different than my first pregnancy. The lines never got darker on the HPTs. Plus they say the trigger shot should be out of your system within 10 days.  It has been 13 days since the trigger shot.  I believe I might just be pregnant.  So now cue every negative emotion in the book.  I was hesitant to even write this blog.  But then I realized the purpose of this blog is to document this journey.  And that has to include these happy moments.  And if the sad moments come up at a later date I will document those moments too.  So now I just have to wait.  Does that sound familiar??  I cannot call and report a + HPT until 14dpiui.  It is only 48 hours away but it feels like a lifetime.  I am sure I will go in for b/w after I call to report the + HPTs (assuming they are still positive in two days).  Until that time I am going to try to relax (insert eye roll).  Did I mention that I am pregnant?  Please stick little one.

where do i fit in?

I have a bunch of ramblings for you this morning.

I believe this has been the slowest 2ww to date.  And it actually surprises me a bit.  I thought that after our m/c cycle that I would never want to take another HPT until I actually reached the end of the 2ww.  But now taking a HPT is all I can think about.  And unfortunately I know the heartbreak that most often follows taking a HPT.  So I am terrified.  I know that on the day I finally do decide to test that more likely than not I will suddenly be propelled into a downward spiral.  However, at the same time, because I am on the progesterone this cycle, I will be forced to take a HPT because my period will not show-up until I stop the progesterone.  I also know what dpiui I got a + HPT on our "successful" cycle so I know that if I take a HPT on that particular day this cycle and get a - HPT I will be bummed to the extreme.  I just don't think there is any winning in this situation.  I think I am just going to suck it up and start testing out my trigger shot.  I might as well just follow my previous patterns of behavior.  Did I mention I am only 6dpiui today?  Seriously!?!?

I hide my first "friend" on FB today.  I usually do okay with all the pregnancy announcements on FB.  But this one hit me especially hard.  This particular "friend" has a due date that is almost (to the day) the same day as my previous due date.  This would have probably been about the time that we would have also been letting the world know that we were pregnant.  Except we're not.  Because my pregnancy was doomed from the beginning.  And unfortunately since this "friend" has announced her pregnancy on FB it has been ALL baby talk from her in my FB news feed.  Needless to say ... I cannot subject myself to that every time I open up FB.  So she got blocked today.

I'm going to be honest.  I have zero optimism that this cycle will be successful.  I feel as if our timing might have been a bit off.  I don't think I ovulated (based on pain I experienced) until about 12 hours after our IUI.  And unfortunately I just don't think our sperm could survive that long.  Remember we are using frozen DS which has a much lower life expectancy than fresh DS.  I'm trying to remain positive but it is difficult when the only thing I have experienced since we began this journey in January is bad news.  I want it to work so bad.  I'm also scared as to how I am going to deal with the failure.  I have a feeling it is going to be difficult.  I also get mad at myself when I allow myself to have a bit of hope.  Then I just feel as if I am setting myself up to be crushed.

I have been having a difficult time determining where I "fit in" in this world of trying to get pregnant.  I have been doing some reading and I stumbled across an author who attached a label of "situational infertility" to GLBT couples who are TTC.  And I actually feel as if that might be the correct label.  Most of what I read in the online forums is written by infertile couples.  This occurs because Kara and I are going through the same procedures that an infertile couple would also be going through at any given time.  So I can relate to the many emotions these couples feel when a cycle is unsuccessful.  But I am not technically infertile.  So I feel as if I am forcing myself into a world where I do not belong.  At the same time, I do not feel as if Kara and I fit into the world of straight couples during their first year of TTC.  We are doing nothing that a straight couple does during their first year of TTC.  There is zero excitement to this whole TTC journey for Kara and I.  There is no jumping in bed and having sex in hopes that a baby arrives nine months later.  So I do not feel as if I belong in that world either.  I read many blogs written by other GLBT couples who are also TTC but I find that I stop reading as soon as they become pregnant.  It hurts too much to keep reading.  Do you know how many blogs I have had to stop reading?  A lot.  That's because most GLBT couples get pregnant fairly quickly.  And when I do find a blog that documents the TTC journey of a GLBT couple it is often a couple in the early stages of the TTC journey.  And now I can no longer relate to the emotions that they are feeling at any given time.  I am way past those emotions.  So I feel as if I am stuck in the middle with no where to go at the moment.  And it can get lonely.

Mary