Today the Supreme Court ruled the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) to be unconstitutional in that marriage should not be defined as only between a man and a woman. And as such this qualifies legally married same sex couples to the federal benefits currently reserved only for heterosexual spouses.
So what does this mean for my family? I have no idea! There will be questions for many weeks to come in regards to those of us who still live in states that have constitutional bans against same sex marriage. Thank You Ohio. The question becomes whether the "state of celebration" matters or whether the "state of residence" matters. I believe that typically it is the "state of celebration" that matters and that would mean that a marriage would be valid if it is valid in the state where the marriage took place. But all bets are off now. We just have to be patient and wait some more for all the red tape to clear away.
But there are a few things I do know to be true. I got excited today. I sat at my desk and hit the refresh button on every news page I could find on the Internet. I imagined, if only for a moment, a world where I could refer to Kara not just as "my partner" but as "my wife". Yes. I do realize that Kara and I have had the opportunity, prior to today's ruling, to get married in a state that recognizes same sex marriage. But we decided early in our relationship that we would not get married until the state we choose to call "home" recognizes our marriage. But Kara and I also recognize the extreme importance of the many federal benefits provided to legally married couples. We recognize this even more now that Jakob and Alex are part of our family. And so the "marriage" discussion has changed a lot over the past 24 hours. We will wait to see what happens in the coming weeks. But if we come to find out that we can legally marry in another state and still receive the federal benefits we so desperately seek to protect our family in the state of Ohio then cue the wedding bells because this gal will be walking down the aisle ... (Please don't get excited. There will be no actual walking down the aisle as Kara and I hate any sort of public attention.) Can you imagine? Me? A married woman? Yikes!!!
Mary
One of my patients has been with her (now) wife for 26 years - they have two children together. She told me that they decided to get married after the Supreme Court first heard the DOMA case and that started a conversation with her kids. Her kids were shocked to learn that their parents weren't married, and asked them if they would consider fixing that. So they went to Maine and are now legally married. :)
ReplyDeleteI only wish they didn't have to travel out of state to make it happen.
Here's hoping that both our states fix that problem sometime very soon!