saying good-bye

We rather unexpectedly had to say good-bye to our cat Ohana last night.  I won't get into too many details of his death because it his life that I want to remember at the moment.  But unfortunately what we thought was a routine case of pancreatitis ended up being a form of cancer called lymphoma.  There was nothing we could do.

I've been told on occasion that "We don't choose our pets.  Our pets choose us." and I believe this to be true.  Ohana (the name reference can be explained here) came into my life as a stray cat in April 2004.  He showed up Easter weekend at my then girlfriend's apartment that was located "in the hood".  There were these rickety old stairs that led up to the 2nd floor apartment and this scrawny little cat followed us up the scary stairs.  Not only that but the cat was still waiting for us when we came out of the apartment about an hour later.  I knew then that this cat was going home with me.  Ohana would quickly become my support system in what was a very rocky time in my life.  He was my family.  I soon broke up with my long term girlfriend.  I was very confused about life in general.  And I was going through a very rough patch with my parent's.  But Ohana made it right at the end of each day.  It was just us.   And we would spend each evening cuddled up on the couch.  He was such a crazy cat during his youthful days.  He would do some CRAZY stuff.  Let's recount just a couple of these stories ...

(1) He killed my hamster.  Yep.  My then girlfriend gave me a pet hamster named Pi (only the name given by a math nerd).  The hamster became Ohana's main focus in life.  I came home from work one evening and the hamster cage had been knocked over.  Hmm?  Anyone know who could have knocked over the hamster cage?  Well Pi was nowhere to be found.  I could not find Pi no matter how hard I tried.  He went missing for about a week.  And then it happened ... I came home from work one evening and Ohana greeted me at the door in a very "I will stick my chest out while you rub my head because I'm such a good boy" mood.  I gave Ohana his usual post work cuddles and then headed to the bedroom to change out of my work clothes.  And there was the hamster in the middle of my now blood soaked comforter dead as a doorknob.  I proceeded to scream like a girl and run out of the apartment to call my then girlfriend to come clean up the mess.  Ohana was so proud of himself.

(2)  Ohana was also very smart.  And as a cat who never missed a meal we eventually had to find a way to hide the cat food because my little boy had suddenly blossomed to about 20 lbs of pure love.  I got the ingenious idea to put child locks on the cabinet doors.  Those will stop him!  So my Dad volunteered to come over and put the locks on the cabinet doors.  And the entire time Ohana watched the action from the sidelines.  You want to know why he was watching my Dad install the locks?  Only so he could open them later.  Yep.  There was no challenge to big for Ohana.  Not only did Ohana manage to figure out how to open the cabinet door by stretching his body up to the lock to push down on it but he also managed to get inside his food container.  That was my boy!

We always have regrets.  And of course I have regrets with Ohana.  I made a decision to grow my family over and over again and I never gave the poor fellow a vote in the matter.  And near the end of his life Ohana got pushed aside because there was only so much time in my life.  And at times I was spread too thin.  And for that I feel horrible.  And I apologized to Ohana over and over again last night.  But I wonder if it was enough?  Did he know that I loved him?  Ohana never complained.  Of course he bitter a lot but only there were other animals around and simply because he was Mr. Grumpy Pants and he basically hated life in general.  But otherwise all Ohana ever asked for on a daily basis was an occasional rub on the head and a frequent large bowl of food.  He was a great cat.

So good-bye my little friend.  I thank you for getting me through the roughest time of my life.  I thank you for loving me unconditionally when I felt that I was not worthy of love.  I thank you for the head-butts and for letting my snuggle up in the softness of your fur.  You brought comfort to me so very often.  I imagine you to be free now.  I imagine you to be sitting in front of a ginormous window watching the birds go by.  And now you are doing it in no pain.  I hope you don't feel like we gave up on you.  I will miss you.  Go be free "biggie".

A picture of our last few moments together.  He was a handsome boy even till the end.

Mary