The emotions are running rampant this morning. My nearest and dearest friend delivered twin girls yesterday. I have been on pins and needles awaiting the birth of these two precious babies. It is all we have talked about in the months, weeks, and days leading up to their birth. I am thrilled beyond belief that her dreams have come true. My friend struggled for several years with IF and these baby girls are the result of so much struggle and pain. And today I get to meet them. And I am scared. I am scared for so many reasons. I thought today the only emotions I would be feeling would be pure joy. But they are not the only emotions. The jealousy is creeping up on me. I know it is a natural emotion to be feeling because of the circumstance. But I keep trying to shove it down to the surface. I want to be nothing but thrilled for them both. But looking at the pictures of the entire family has been difficult. The thing is ... I know my friend would understand my emotions. She has been nothing but protective of me during her pregnancy. She understands the emotions I am feeling. They are natural and there is nothing I can do but embrace the emotions and try to learn from them. I am also terrified of our friendship being different. I now have few close friends who do not have any children. Will we still have stuff to talk about? Will she change because she is now a mom? I just wish I knew the answers to these questions. But today I am going to meet these babies. I am going to hold them. I am going to kiss them. And I am going to tell them how much their mommy and daddy love them because I was a witness to that love long before the two of them arrived on this planet.
So as the title indicates ... we are now at the beginning of cycle # 8! (cue band)
My period arrived over the weekend. I was thrilled to say the least. And let me just say that my period arrived with a vengeance. I was not all that surprised. I went yesterday (on cd3) for my baseline u/s. I am thrilled to announce that all was quiet on the western front and as such we are able to cycle this month. We are going to stick with the same protocol that did get me pregnant last time. That means it is back to the clomid (50mg). I am due to go back for my mid-cycle u/s on cd11. Here's hoping to some super follicles. I am so excited to be back to trying again. But the emotions are once again running rampant (that is becoming a reoccurring theme in this blog entry). I am fluctuating between calmness and anxiety times a bazillion. It is weird. I just keep trying to take deep breaths and take it all one day at a time. The RE jokingly asked yesterday if we should set-up another "why am I not pregnant" consult so that we could scare my body into getting pregnant again. I will pass on the consult for this cycle but I might have to seriously consider it if we fail a few more times. Haha.
So that is all for now. Let's hope my emotions stay in check while on the clomid. I will update next week!
Mary
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