This should not bother me. It does. A lot. It makes me feel as though, while we are probably not going to have more children, the decision was made by someone other than myself. I wanted to be the one to make the decision. I NEEDED to be the one to make the decision. Yes. We do have *one* tiny little vial on ice at the RE's office but we all know what the probability is of getting pregnant on the first shot. Sigh. I of course sent off the "please tell me he just moved into retirement" e-mail to the sperm bank but I am not getting my hopes up at all. I do also know that the bank often buys back vials of unused sperm and there could be a chance someone is looking for a buyer. And I know there are other fish in the sea but if we were to have another child, and it would be a single child, then he or she would not have any full siblings and I'm not in a place at the moment where I feel comfortable with that decision. I know a lot of other people would disagree. I also know I'm probably being a bit dramatic with this whole incident but it's what I'm feeling in the moment. I'm sure if you catch me a week from now I will feel different. But tonight as I snuggled with my boys my heart was a bit heavy.
UPDATE: The good news is our donor is still available for purchase. Our bank made an executive decision a couple months ago to pull all donors who were not tested for Spinal Muscular Atrophy (SMA). They only tested donors for this genetic condition beginning in April 2009. Our donor was a participant in the program prior to this date (we estimate around 2005 from the paperwork). SMA is the second most common genetic condition that affects the Caucasian population. They have contacted all donors and requested they undergo a blood test to determine if they carry a mutation of the gene that causes SMA. If a donor consents to undergo the blood test and the test comes back okay, then the donor will be put back on the "market". If a donor does not consent to the test or the donor cannot be located, then all vials associated with that donor will be "tossed" from the program. It's been two months. Our donor has not responded to requests for the blood test. Sigh. This bank has NEVER had a report of a child born with SMA. We do not necessarily have concerns as to whether our donor has the gene mutation. Our donor still has 100 vials available for purchase. I was told today that our donor could be pulled from the program at anytime. The director of the bank has not made the executive decision as to when to deem a donor non-responsive and "toss" the vials from the program. We are still able to purchase vials for our donor as long as we sign an informed consent acknowledging the donor did not undergo testing. We would not be notified if the donor is removed from the program. The only way to guarantee, at this point, that the vials would be available to us should we want them (or need them) is to purchase the vials now and pay for long term storage. So needless to say I keep hearing WTF? WTF? WTF? in my head tonight.
Mary
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