Today we found out that Jakob and Alex no longer qualify for early intervention services. It's a bittersweet moment. We are so proud of our boys and eternally grateful for the wonderful assistance we got through Ohio Help Me Grow and the FCBDD-ECE Center. We would recommend them all in a heartbeat. The tentative plan for the moment is for the boys to finish out the school year at the ECE Center (so grateful for this). Then next year will be a year at home (gulp). This was a tough decision and one that we pondered for a long time. We visited the preschool we would like for them to attend but because we will most likely not send the boys to kindergarten until they are six years old we have decided to take a year to enjoy our boys and our family and then the boys will attend preschool when they are 4 years old and 5 years old. We feel that is plenty. We have LOVED school but at times it can get to be too much for our little guys. They love to play at home with Mommy and Momma. Plus we know we will never get this time back. We also have a few ideas up our sleeves to continue to keep them engaged in various activities with their peers. So there you have it. I cannot believe I am typing this. Our little graduates have come soooo far!!!
Mary
Friday, January 30, 2015
Wednesday, January 28, 2015
that moment ** UPDATED **
... when you realize your donor is no longer listed as available on the website ...
This should not bother me. It does. A lot. It makes me feel as though, while we are probably not going to have more children, the decision was made by someone other than myself. I wanted to be the one to make the decision. I NEEDED to be the one to make the decision. Yes. We do have *one* tiny little vial on ice at the RE's office but we all know what the probability is of getting pregnant on the first shot. Sigh. I of course sent off the "please tell me he just moved into retirement" e-mail to the sperm bank but I am not getting my hopes up at all. I do also know that the bank often buys back vials of unused sperm and there could be a chance someone is looking for a buyer. And I know there are other fish in the sea but if we were to have another child, and it would be a single child, then he or she would not have any full siblings and I'm not in a place at the moment where I feel comfortable with that decision. I know a lot of other people would disagree. I also know I'm probably being a bit dramatic with this whole incident but it's what I'm feeling in the moment. I'm sure if you catch me a week from now I will feel different. But tonight as I snuggled with my boys my heart was a bit heavy.
UPDATE: The good news is our donor is still available for purchase. Our bank made an executive decision a couple months ago to pull all donors who were not tested for Spinal Muscular Atrophy (SMA). They only tested donors for this genetic condition beginning in April 2009. Our donor was a participant in the program prior to this date (we estimate around 2005 from the paperwork). SMA is the second most common genetic condition that affects the Caucasian population. They have contacted all donors and requested they undergo a blood test to determine if they carry a mutation of the gene that causes SMA. If a donor consents to undergo the blood test and the test comes back okay, then the donor will be put back on the "market". If a donor does not consent to the test or the donor cannot be located, then all vials associated with that donor will be "tossed" from the program. It's been two months. Our donor has not responded to requests for the blood test. Sigh. This bank has NEVER had a report of a child born with SMA. We do not necessarily have concerns as to whether our donor has the gene mutation. Our donor still has 100 vials available for purchase. I was told today that our donor could be pulled from the program at anytime. The director of the bank has not made the executive decision as to when to deem a donor non-responsive and "toss" the vials from the program. We are still able to purchase vials for our donor as long as we sign an informed consent acknowledging the donor did not undergo testing. We would not be notified if the donor is removed from the program. The only way to guarantee, at this point, that the vials would be available to us should we want them (or need them) is to purchase the vials now and pay for long term storage. So needless to say I keep hearing WTF? WTF? WTF? in my head tonight.
Mary
This should not bother me. It does. A lot. It makes me feel as though, while we are probably not going to have more children, the decision was made by someone other than myself. I wanted to be the one to make the decision. I NEEDED to be the one to make the decision. Yes. We do have *one* tiny little vial on ice at the RE's office but we all know what the probability is of getting pregnant on the first shot. Sigh. I of course sent off the "please tell me he just moved into retirement" e-mail to the sperm bank but I am not getting my hopes up at all. I do also know that the bank often buys back vials of unused sperm and there could be a chance someone is looking for a buyer. And I know there are other fish in the sea but if we were to have another child, and it would be a single child, then he or she would not have any full siblings and I'm not in a place at the moment where I feel comfortable with that decision. I know a lot of other people would disagree. I also know I'm probably being a bit dramatic with this whole incident but it's what I'm feeling in the moment. I'm sure if you catch me a week from now I will feel different. But tonight as I snuggled with my boys my heart was a bit heavy.
UPDATE: The good news is our donor is still available for purchase. Our bank made an executive decision a couple months ago to pull all donors who were not tested for Spinal Muscular Atrophy (SMA). They only tested donors for this genetic condition beginning in April 2009. Our donor was a participant in the program prior to this date (we estimate around 2005 from the paperwork). SMA is the second most common genetic condition that affects the Caucasian population. They have contacted all donors and requested they undergo a blood test to determine if they carry a mutation of the gene that causes SMA. If a donor consents to undergo the blood test and the test comes back okay, then the donor will be put back on the "market". If a donor does not consent to the test or the donor cannot be located, then all vials associated with that donor will be "tossed" from the program. It's been two months. Our donor has not responded to requests for the blood test. Sigh. This bank has NEVER had a report of a child born with SMA. We do not necessarily have concerns as to whether our donor has the gene mutation. Our donor still has 100 vials available for purchase. I was told today that our donor could be pulled from the program at anytime. The director of the bank has not made the executive decision as to when to deem a donor non-responsive and "toss" the vials from the program. We are still able to purchase vials for our donor as long as we sign an informed consent acknowledging the donor did not undergo testing. We would not be notified if the donor is removed from the program. The only way to guarantee, at this point, that the vials would be available to us should we want them (or need them) is to purchase the vials now and pay for long term storage. So needless to say I keep hearing WTF? WTF? WTF? in my head tonight.
Mary
Tuesday, January 20, 2015
not a show
Jake: “I want to watch Toy Story.”
Mommy: “Ok. We can all watch a show when we get home. It will be fun.”
Jake: “I don’t want to watch a show.”
Mommy: “You just said you want to watch Toy Story.”
Jake: “Toy Story not a show. It a movie.”
Mommy: “Ok. We can all watch a show when we get home. It will be fun.”
Jake: “I don’t want to watch a show.”
Mommy: “You just said you want to watch Toy Story.”
Jake: “Toy Story not a show. It a movie.”
Mary
Thursday, January 15, 2015
not exactly christmas
I know it comes at the beginning of each year. I dread it. I hold my breath as I walk to the mailbox every day in January. I know it will come. And then it arrives. The letter. The bill. The reminder.
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And then even worse we have to make a decision. We put it off for several weeks but then another reminder pops up in the mail. But this time it is an angry gram. It shouts "PAST DUE" at me over and over again. So I realize I cannot drag my feet any longer. We must decide whether or not to "keep our little swimmers on ice at the REs office". Sigh. And each year I find myself going "Not yet. Nope. I can't get rid of them yet. Let's just decide next year."
Rinse. Repeat.
Mary
And then even worse we have to make a decision. We put it off for several weeks but then another reminder pops up in the mail. But this time it is an angry gram. It shouts "PAST DUE" at me over and over again. So I realize I cannot drag my feet any longer. We must decide whether or not to "keep our little swimmers on ice at the REs office". Sigh. And each year I find myself going "Not yet. Nope. I can't get rid of them yet. Let's just decide next year."
Rinse. Repeat.
Mary
Wednesday, January 14, 2015
i jake
This conversation took place last night while I was changing Jakob’s diaper after he had refused to go sit on the potty.
Me: “What happens when we run out of diapers?”
Jake: “No Mama.”
Me: “We will run out of diapers."
Jake: "No Mama."
Me: "You will have to wear underwear. They don’t sell diapers to big boys and you are a big boy now.”
Jake: “No. I Jake. I not big boy.”
Can you tell I made a New Year's Resolution?
Me: “What happens when we run out of diapers?”
Jake: “No Mama.”
Me: “We will run out of diapers."
Jake: "No Mama."
Me: "You will have to wear underwear. They don’t sell diapers to big boys and you are a big boy now.”
Jake: “No. I Jake. I not big boy.”
Can you tell I made a New Year's Resolution?
Mary
Tuesday, January 13, 2015
wake-up sun
I heard “Help. Help. Help. Help. Help. Help.” (in the sweetest and tiniest voice ever) over the monitor last night about 40 minutes after I put the boys to bed. I seriously thought both boys were already fast asleep. I went into the bedroom to find Alex awake and lifting his truck out of the crib (yes our boys sleep with trucks and trains instead of stuffed animals) …
Alex: “I broke it.” (he took the ladder off)
Me: “Ok. We can fix it but then you need to go night, night.”
Alex: “Ok Mama.”
Me: (suddenly smelling a poopy diaper as I fixed the blankets) “You got a poopy diaper?”
Alex: “No. No. No. No. No. Ok. Me do.”
Me: “Well let’s go to the bathroom and get your diaper changed so you can go night, night.”
Alex: “Ok Mama. New toy?”
Me: “How about we just grab your train when we get done?”
Alex: “Me not tired. Me play now. Just with Mama.”
Me: “No buddy. You have to get a good night sleep. You have school tomorrow. You don’t want to be tired when you play with your friends.”
Alex: “My friends. I got play with Grace. And Jackson. And Mason. And Dallas. And Miss. Stacey. I got go school NOW Mama.”
Me: “We can’t go to school until the sun wakes up.”
Alex: “WAKE UP SUN!”
Of course Alex proceeded to fall asleep about three minutes after he went back to bed.
I feel like these are the moments I need to start to write down. The conversations I want to remember when my little boys are all grown and want nothing to do with me!! I love these moments.
Alex: “I broke it.” (he took the ladder off)
Me: “Ok. We can fix it but then you need to go night, night.”
Alex: “Ok Mama.”
Me: (suddenly smelling a poopy diaper as I fixed the blankets) “You got a poopy diaper?”
Alex: “No. No. No. No. No. Ok. Me do.”
Me: “Well let’s go to the bathroom and get your diaper changed so you can go night, night.”
Alex: “Ok Mama. New toy?”
Me: “How about we just grab your train when we get done?”
Alex: “Me not tired. Me play now. Just with Mama.”
Me: “No buddy. You have to get a good night sleep. You have school tomorrow. You don’t want to be tired when you play with your friends.”
Alex: “My friends. I got play with Grace. And Jackson. And Mason. And Dallas. And Miss. Stacey. I got go school NOW Mama.”
Me: “We can’t go to school until the sun wakes up.”
Alex: “WAKE UP SUN!”
Of course Alex proceeded to fall asleep about three minutes after he went back to bed.
I feel like these are the moments I need to start to write down. The conversations I want to remember when my little boys are all grown and want nothing to do with me!! I love these moments.
Mary
Monday, January 12, 2015
recent conversations
The conversation on the couch this morning.
Jake: “Hi Alex.”
Alex: “Hi. We watching Wild Kratts.”
Jake: “Yep.”
And last night Jakob would not fall asleep but he was laying in his crib for upwards of 60 minutes “reading” The Hungry Caterpillar to his little teddy bear.
Jakob: “This is a library book. This is not. He eat one apple and two pears…” (repeated over and over and over again)
We went to a birthday party for a friend last night and this was the conversation I had with Alex when I was trying to convince him to get ready to go.
Me: “Do you want to go have dinner with Elias?”
Alex: “No.”
Me: “You can get fried rice. You love fried rice.”
Alex: “No. Me stay home.”
Me: “There will be cupcakes.”
Alex: “I ready to go now.”
And finally thanks to Grandpa Mr. Jakob loves to sing at the top of his lungs, “Animal crackers in my soup. The more I eat the more I poop.” It’s especially great when he sings it in the grocery store.
Jake: “Hi Alex.”
Alex: “Hi. We watching Wild Kratts.”
Jake: “Yep.”
And last night Jakob would not fall asleep but he was laying in his crib for upwards of 60 minutes “reading” The Hungry Caterpillar to his little teddy bear.
Jakob: “This is a library book. This is not. He eat one apple and two pears…” (repeated over and over and over again)
We went to a birthday party for a friend last night and this was the conversation I had with Alex when I was trying to convince him to get ready to go.
Me: “Do you want to go have dinner with Elias?”
Alex: “No.”
Me: “You can get fried rice. You love fried rice.”
Alex: “No. Me stay home.”
Me: “There will be cupcakes.”
Alex: “I ready to go now.”
And finally thanks to Grandpa Mr. Jakob loves to sing at the top of his lungs, “Animal crackers in my soup. The more I eat the more I poop.” It’s especially great when he sings it in the grocery store.
Mary
Thursday, January 8, 2015
so need to write more
I took 30 glorious seconds to run to the bathroom tonight and do of all things ... PEE!. I shut the door. Silence. A few second later I hear, "Momma. Momma. Momma." and I can hear the footsteps getting closer and closer. Here we go I thought to myself. The door busts open and there stands Jakob (with full on fake tears) "Momma kiss my foot. I got a boo-boo." and Jake proceeds to lift his foot up so I can kiss it all while I am still peeing. Sure. Why not? I kiss his foot. He turns around and as he shuts the door says "Thank You Momma." No problem kid. I'm here for you.
Mary
Mary
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